灯火阑珊处

I just googled the title and came across this very interesting yet philosophical entry. Its in chinese. There wasn't any author to it. In traditional chinese though :P Its here.

Quoting the last paragraph so beautifully and meaninfully expressed,

众里寻他千百度﹐幕然回首﹐那人卻在燈火闌珊處。喜歡，就是淡淡的愛；愛，就是深深的喜歡。人不會因為获得許多愛而觉得人生有意義，卻會因為付出許多愛而越肯定生命的价值。魚說：你看不見我的泪水，因為我在水中....水說：我能感觉到妳的泪，只因妳在我的心中....

Very poetic and an apt description.

Ok, on a lighter note, this christmas. On the contrary to the past, i only went to carol with VJ at Ritz Carlton on Christmas eve. It was under the generous accompaniment of eugene and calvin. Many people would have asked me why not carol with vc. And why only carol one time? Missing out on the grand reunion?

I will dish out my answers for those who want to know it. Here you go. Discounting all my whims and fancies which would definitely provide you a cheap and inexcusable explanation, i want you to understand that the reason transcends that. Its about the meaning of christmas to me. I feel that caroling should not be done excessively. As i say again, its my opinion, so you can fathom for all you like, and yet return dazzled and frustrated. Too bad. Why? Because christmas should be joyful and meaningful, and to me, to be honest, caroling has lost its original beauty. The season is indeed one to rejoice, but not by caroling incessantly. Once, or twice, is enough for me. To get immersed in that merry making moment or u could say magical moment just for that half or 1 hour suffice for me. now why not with vc as many would have asked. let me give u some clues. attachment, feeling, togetherness. Ok i guess that would have answered it. Next up, why no grand reunion? At first wanted to hear, not to sing. But i concluded that there was no point to face the mass of singers anymore since what i want is neither the festive mood nor the nice carols. Been there done that. The only reason i tried giving myself to sing was the dedication. But again, dedication to something whose worth is diminishing? What do i get out from it? the joy of singing? Pls, i already got that through caroling on the eve, and through all i got from 6 years of choral life. I dont want to explain any further. maybe i dont even need to in the first place. But it is something in my heart which should be vented out.

Ok besides that, the last week of the year is a gd time for reflection and thoughts. I didnt had much time to do that, but as for now i do have some thoughts. I had an aim last year around this time. It was to stay out of my comfort zone and explore new areas of my life. Well, looking back, i wouldnt say it is a failure, but just lacking lustre. Insignificant achievements, and i have still been living in that day to day mentality. Goals are rarely long term, short term goals short of a handful as well. I have been very reactive to people's demands. So i guess i would grade it like a 3/10.

But yet there are things which i have gained this year. Some wonderful friends, valuable relationships, and progress in the way i view things. I admit my weakness is still pretty much there, but quoting the counsellor Hanna, she said that a weakness is an overfunctioned strength. Well, everything is just the balance isnt it?

All emotions are acceptable. Do not be excessively worked up or feel depressed/bad for what you are feeling now. Everything happened for a reason. Just like everything has its pros and cons, every crisis has its takeaways. The hardest task a rational human has is managing his irrational emotions. Emotions are like bountiful surges of energy, active, explosive, and unadulterated. Give them space, and they'll engulf you, manage them, and they'll work so nicely for you. I admit that with regards to the above, i'm just like the rational man trying to manage my emotions which are in a disarray at times. But thats where challenges seem to surface, and avenues of courage lurk so closely ever to u. Cherish these opportunities to triumph, to grow and to be free. They dont guarantee that u dont fall again, on the contrary, they muse at the crisis that comes along again. They love to see u coming back on your feet, and have confidence in you doing so. Everytime you do so, ur energy level is raised, and the more you are emboldened and live life to the fullest. People say that obstacles are opportunities in disguise, but i say why the disguise? Must everything that hurt be bad? Must anything that fails be faulty?

The caudron of emotions boiling inside us will never cease, just like how raging fires are hard to totally extinguish. They come and go again, and there's no uprooting it because emotions are part of humans, to ignore it is simply hiding in the closet when danger approaches. No matter how hot the caudron is, we must possess the ability to chill our body, no matter how adverse the conditions are, we must be able to weather it. Let not the temporary stress batter us, for the strength that is needed to pluck us up lies in where it is hard hit, where it is the most painful. It may hurt, it may bleed, but it will heal, and it will thrive. We got to believe in it. No matter how traumatic you will feel, life moves on, and yet another problem comes bugging you.

I hope through the above writing i am able to inspire myself, and people who feel likewise. i dont know why am i comforting myself, but yet it always does happen. How much i actually learn from my own placating is yet another story. But for now, i feel better, and i hope you all do.

All is not gone. What appears lost is not.

Life's So Much Like Music

Sorry for the long period of absence. I wanted to post something before Nov ends, but didn't know what to write about. I guess i should not be cooking up anything or force myself to put in a philosophical entry. That would be an obligation, not out of free will. Sometimes, blogging just has that little pressure on me. When my blog's not updated, i do feel that life has somewhat been stagnant. Perhaps its a marker to indicate that i have progressed in life, so somehow when i'm out of ideas to blog i feel that life has never really advanced. haha weird compulsive feeling.

Well, back to what i thought of writing this time. Throughout these 2 years of my life, erm i mean NS, i've beginning to hear more of Guang Liang's songs. Loving music yet not listening much to chinese/eng pop songs, the first song that mesmerized me was Tong Hua. That was just before i entered army. When i finished my BMT, another song of his eased in to my favs. "Tian Tang" That was when i just entered sispec. I remembered listening to it almost every weekend after i book out. It gives me a very nostalgic and reluctant feeling (to book in) indeed. It was very self-delusive. But i enjoyed every moment of this delusion. I can vividly rmb that every book in was at the pick up point opposite boon lay, and we would fall in in CV, counting strength, awaiting a week of tough training and fatigue. To think that booking out would still be a far cry away.

Then after that in signal institute and 2 sig bn i continued with these 2 songs. But it was when i went to my current unit that i started listening to "Yue Ding". Another of guang liang's romantic everlasting kind. I mean his specialty is love and romance kind of songs but a couple of selected songs are just so etched deeply in my mind. They endear so closely to my soul and resonate with my emotions. Maybe it points to some kind of inadequacy or whatever the psychologists like to make their inferences. But no doubt the songs are enchanting. Then after that i got an iPod, and i began to download more of his songs.

都是你，少年，海边 etc. Towards my ORD i found another great song. a duet by 江美琪 and Guang Liang entitled 对你有感觉. Very symbolic and meaningful to me. Till now, this is still the fav, unless otherwise overtaken by another one (haha, must put disclaimer :P) I think it will continue to stay forever, cos if its my fav, it'll still be in my playlist! Guang liang came out with a new album which i havent got the time to go down and shop for it. Maybe i should one day.

Ok now about what i have been doing the past few days. Work and work! haha. Plus one tuition kid. That's about it. It's been great going out with people who i've not seen in ages :) Dec is here again! Much to my pleasure and displeasure. Time has passed in the blink of an eye, not as if it's surprising. I recalled how eager i wanted dec to come so i could ORD quickly, yet when i am at dec, i feel that a new year is approaching, and with some regrets i cruised through the year. Well, let's not dig into it alright, i will take it out on myself.

Thats all for now! Looking forward to the holidays (hari raya, not so much of christmas though!

fyi, all the songs can be heard from the stickam player below hehe :P

在那远方

在那远方我仿佛听见你的呼唤，你的慰问。虽然遥远，但却清晰。在感情王海里，是那么特殊，那么真诚。或许是我自己胡乱猜想，也许根本就没这回事。感觉上是在自欺欺人，但也不愿意这样。心中那么混浊，生命似乎不能有所期盼。对于我周边的事，我似乎总是不能搞清楚，做清楚。我不想这样，但又一筹莫展。一线线希望，恐怕将随着我的无奈而遗憾离去，一场欢喜一场空。

Next, temp work hasn't been anything fun at all. To say the least, it silences the drive in me to do more productive work. But it was my choice in the first place, so i have no rights to reproach myself. All i can do is to see how time can be better utilised, how emotions can be better managed. As quoted from a few posts back ago, life after ORD wouldn't be as easy as expected. There are challenges in every phase of our life, to avoid it is tantamount to cowardice. To grudge is to reinforce the discomfort we face, and to sulk and get depressed is to weaken oneself even before the battle starts. It is inevitable, so face it.

Emotional Dysfunction

好景不常在，好花不常开，天有不测之风云，人有旦夕祸福.

Some things are just borne to be beyond our control. But some things are. Well, when one's health is not optimum, one realises how important it is. Humans are said to be the smart, but yet they need the alarm bell to resonate through their ears to send a message across. This shows how immature we are emotionally, though intellectually we might be far superior than any other species. Aren't human relations the same? They are complex, untouchables, and of course unfathomable.

You can't impose something on someone, cannot coerce them to feel happy, and most of all you cannot dictate their emotions. Us, being the external environment to an individual, might at best provide a stimulus, upon which it is incumbent on the individual's receptors to discern and interpret beneficial messages sent across, and of course act on it hopefully. Sometimes u might feel that ur receptors are just one of a kind, or maybe they are like antibiotic resistant bacteria which have developed immunity in our body. They are wilful and impervious to a particular kind of stimulus. That is why the onset of nagging having little or no effect on people, recalcitrants unable to cast off their delinquency, or even simple humans like us unable to get on with our lives in the desirable way we want.

This phenomenon is the underlying cause of procrastination. It is the sole detriment of insufficient motivation, or for people who find it always difficult to stick to a preplanned schedule. They often give excuses to cover up their incompetencies and inept. Well, our body always have a kind of feedback mechanism which is self-defensive. When u are slightly out of equilibrium, for example, u are slightly late, behind schedule, or score lesser marks then expected in an exam, the conscious mind would seek to provide mitigating reasons to legitimise our errors, recomposing ourselves. This is of course if the deviation is found to be within our threshold of acceptance. But beyond this threshold, most of us would plunge into emotional roller coasters, experiencing depression, grief, and despondency. In the long term, it might be mood swings, irritability and prolonged mental illnesses.

We have to rein in the situation. We have to get in control of ourselves. I guess in some of my ancient posts i have touched on concepts like getting out of your own mind frame, isolating our emotions, and also on a change in stimulus. But with my personal experience, these are all not so easily achieved. Why? These changes are lacking in a rudimental purpose. The dearth of a substantial philosophy for the change. Yes, if u get it now, the question to ask is: Why change? Can't i allow myself to live around like this? If u feel intuitively that things should not carry on like this but yet u feel unable to initiate this change, seek help from those around you. Look at some of the people who are living the lifestyle that u desire to change for. Mix around with them more often, and ask if they could help you with adapting their kind of lifestyle.

Many people claim words are like arrows, they pierce through emotions. But yet words fail terribly when it comes to inspiring a person feeling helpless, unmotivated, and disenchanted. Action speak louder than words. Lead the way. Provide help by getting the person involve in his or her change. Let the person feel the love and purpose of the journey of what he seeks to achieve.

Just like a gun without bullets or a chef without his ingredients, an action without purpose seems at best half hearted and inefficient. At worse, it looks just like a balloon released freely allowing air inside to escape. It looks silly, and unleashes an avalanche of consequences which are mostly emotional, psychological and spiritual. This continues to torment our soul, grinds our determination, and debilitates our resolve towards the problem. A vicious cycle could be set up if subsequent attempts to solve the problem does not identify with a rooted purpose.

So tackle the problem at its roots. This is usually the hardest part and what people preconceive as the dormant and unproductive phase. But that is actually the most valuable and indispensable period. We need to generate a reason to drive our subsequent actions. And such inner soul-searchin as they call it should not be rushed. First let your soul be free of worries. Tell yourself that nothing in life should ever worry you so much, because life itself is abundant, and you are larger than any phase, situation, obstacle, predicament or relation in life. Should any part of it collapses, life, just like time, passes, and would not empathise with you. Learn to think about life as a whole, not just being so concerned about ourselves NOW. (Warning: This is obviously easier to write in words than to put in action). But do try :)

The above is just my humble opinion, or rather some insights which spawned over these few days. I hope the above does provide some form of enlightenment. If you do have disputes about my perceptions, feel free to bring it out. As i said, its just my opinion. To those who genuinely seek help, i tried my best.

Double Kill

With double basher you definitely go on for a sweet double kill. Well, first things first. If anyone couldn't figure out what was the second basher, i shall reveal it now. Its just the process of altering the first digit of someone's age from 1 to 2. It is characterised by a painful self-realisation of growing mould, as certainly many would claim that they dont seem to look their age, or that their experience gathered through these 2 decades of existence do not commensurate their current societal recognition. Yes 20. Whether you like it or not, time has never stopped for a second. 6.3072x10^8 seconds has passed. And finally when u sink into reality, u felt as though life has suddenly given you your report card, allowing yourself to register some rude shocks and unanticipated disappointments. I remembered very vividly my last bday as if it were moments ago. Yet the same excitement always permeates our soul for that same day of the year. What is actually the meaning of one's bday? A symbol of growth? An affirmation of our maturity? Or a mere passing of time? Would a day marked out on calendar matter if we did not attach significant meaning to it?

Of course the answer to my last qn is an obvious no, as many would irrefutably claim. So what makes ur bday so special since that day u probably feel happier, eat more, and complain lesser? So what if that day serves as a grim reminder of ur age, and in some instances drives purpose into your life and allow to do some reflection? Don't we need to do constant reflections periodically in our life? Why celebrate? Why rejoice? To hype up our emotions so that we feel so special? And of course amid the greetings and wishes that pour in, u reciprocate by saying thanks. Or is it like a day where impt things happen, for instance anniversary or sth, where u feel so suddenly fairy-like when a friend whom u thought u long lost wished u so, or maybe out of the unexpected? Birthday seems so much like a great deal right?

Ok i'm sorry if the above paragraphs have driven u to a point of loathing my ramblings as well as tweaking ur thoughts on a happy occasion. Pardon me. like everyone else, just treat this as an emotional overdrive as i sorta reflected on the meaning of bdays. But do give it a thought. If everyday someone were to tell u hey today is special, would u cherish it similarly? If you yourself attach significance to the day, can u achieve the same effect?

Ok now. Next up lets talk about ORD. I think the glass at esplanade glass will shatter if existing NSFs were given a chance to scream their lungs out on their desire to ORD. So i gave it an interesting abbreviation: Oppressive Rare Disorder. There are symptoms to that as many can observe. Ranging from grumbling to chao kenging and to AWOLing, the creative juices of NSFs are never challenged. ORD to them is not just a frame of mind. Pink can suddenly be their favourite color, or they can exclaim that the air they breath in camp is fresher when they wield some kind of dusty card kept for 2 years at depot road. Well, so when i got my pink IC i was just like.. woah. Not bad. At least i didnt look that bad back then when i was 15. Any further exclamations i made? No. Just that boring comment. And sorry guys. This is just how boring i am.

So double kill has been sufficiently elaborated on. As many ORDed NSFs said, we have won the war, inspite of many failing battles. Days of living in a cage is gone. Days of living with stripes, bars, enduring seafood and galaxy gazing are fading from our memories. No more.

But something else is growing more prominent ahead. Something which is so uncertain, which doesnt gives u a time frame to an end in it. Something which thrust u to the core of its menacing claws. Welcome back to life. You are just born. A second life awaits. And u are totally clueless. U have to reorientate. If ur dominating streak in NS is to be upsetted by an incoming storm, let me tell you, you are not alone. The clumsy face has just settled in our life. A period where uncertainty becomes ur best companion, and experimenting accounts for majority of ur behaviour. Sounds scary isn't it?

For me, now the most impt thing has been to reorg my life, just like how the ppl in big organisations usually do. But time waits for no one. We have to embark on something tentative as we continue our planning, we must set sail and navigate along the way.

Ok, i really dunno what to write. Although i have lots of thoughts now. Maybe i shall just reiterate the quote to NSFs enduring the wait: "Gather what u can before the cross the river" Because, “过了这个村，就没这个店”

In short, do not disappoint the moment u are living now. Always outlive ur present value. Do not worry about the opportunity cost that comes along everytime u are told to do sth or if u are alr doing sth. As much as time is scarce and precious, not effectively maximising work done in any undertaking allocated during a period of time undermines the very existence of time, and by doing so, we are ruining our chances, our life deteriorates gradually. Respect that everything happens for a reason, and excel in circumstances that befall. To win is not to measure how much we have now, but our potential. For the strength in human nature is always our beliefs and our power of imagination.

Lastly i would like to say, thanks to those who have made my NS very memorable. If we just look at things we learn, it'll definitely be something that we would be able to take back. Treat those negative experiences as learning points. My injury might have been sustained in NS, but learning how to live with it is itself a profound wisdom. For one, life can never be perfect, but can be lived to its fullest. Everyone has his unique way of executing his triumph card.

But of course over and above the seemingly serious and solemn paragraphs, i still have to say that..

Pink is certainly a nice colour :P

OMG, ORD LOH!!

Lastly, some pictures i would like to share with u all:

Firstly, when javascript malfunctions, this is what happens :P


Secondly, even when the most popular social networking website tries to malfunction, it stills retain the truth on it.


Calvin, Cheers to u! For once, i say with my head high, ORD LOH. This is for real, and u will say it soon :)

Double Basher

Ok this might sound a bit familiar to those who play dota. but if u are thinking along those lines, u are erroneously misled :P Can make a guess what i'm referring to? If u cant, oh sorry. haha. double means two, basher means ermm.. maybe u can think of it as happiness. If u get one of them, probably u are my gd frend, if both maybe very gd fren. LOL. well ignore this sudden surge of childishness. I reckon not more than 5 would know it anyway.

The past few days were rather tiring with work. 7 days of temp, then got replaced by perm. Nothing is certain afterall right? I went to calvin's house on thurs to complete fifa 08 on his xbox. The cup as u could see below as known as ORD CUP. But well of course we were knocked out. However, having the indomitable and never say die attitude, we charged ourselves with the motivation from our sch's motto: nil sine labore, hence we embarked on another new cup known as ORD CUP 1. Well, as expected, it failed again. And so of course we persevered. FINALLY, we made it. We reached ORD CUP 3. haha. we did record the finals using calvin's handphone. it can be found at his blog at the stickam player. It was rather a crazy thing to do, but sheer fun we enjoyed. I know many of you, esp those in army who havent ORD, would loathe ORD personnel exclaiming abt it. Esp when u see the months ahead filled with uncertainty and unpredictability.

I made a comment inside the video of the cup final that life after ORD might not be as soothing and pleasant and predictable as compared to life before ORD. I can almost sense a few hard knocks on my pitiful skull. pleaase lend me ur ears? :P My BMT OC (ahem.. Ninja) once told us a phrase which is still carved in my mind. His phrase was: Gather what u can before u cross the river.

Let me give my few dollars worth. (i decided a few cents werent enough to even buy a drink :P) Crossing the river symbolises the current process or the phase of life we are going through. eg, NS-ing, studying, slacking, playing, going out with friends.. etc. It can be as long haul as like a 10 year massive financial plan, or as quick as a 1 hr dota match. Regardless of how we cross this river, be it the simple tribesman way or by ferry or cruise, we are all devoted in our paths to reach the destination. But more often then not, we are over-occupied with the goal and not the journey, the end but not the means, although the ends justify the means.

Success is a journey, not a destination. This cliche lives up to its name because ppl have all cast it aside as a cliche and never give a serious thought about it. I know NS might be tedious and mentally sapping due to our distorted predisposition of serving the nation. (disclaimer: not all of them). But trust me. If u think of how u can better utilise what u are doing to gain sth from it, even playing computer games would yield significant benefits, albeit it might be of different nature. I might probably elaborate on my NS gains after i ORD. Well we shall see how.

For now,i only have one thought in mind. Can u guess? what are u thinking? clue: double basher :)

Picture Paint A Thousand Words

In memory of my ORD, light years later...Credits to Calvin, Photoshoot of his Fifa 2008 on X Box 360 :)

---Added on 19 Oct---
Well, calvin has also humbly presented the other side of the story on his blog.. well not really the other side. Its like a far off echo, a reveberation. (look up the physics notes for resonance :P)i.e. u can see that calvin's frequency is the same as mine, (thus no damping) and there is maximum transfer of energy :) (pardon the physics, i'm trying to prove my intelligence which was credibly long lost)He aptly summarises the years of NS in 6 letters, brilliantly epitomises the mental state of all NSFs throughout our 2 "hilariously excruciating" (i absolutely have no idea what it means) years. My mind is in an alpha state; it means getting unconsciously high on an illusion, or rather something which shldnt have elicited such a response.

An excerpt from calvin's blog: "...during which he garnered 3 awards- The Reckless Driving Award (RDA), Front Parking Proficiency Award (FPPA) and the Road Shoulder Award (RAA)!!! "

Referring to my driving, i have to confess that it was really hilarious with calvin as my vehicle commander too.. if he was the TP, i would have failed more than anyone in this world had for their driving. LOL :P Well, not so dangerous actually.. we all went back in one piece.. Why??

Simple.

"we are drivers too!"

LOL.

Preoccupation

Life is sometimes mutually antagonistic. One opposes the other. One repels the other. But quite interestingly, human behaviour do exhibit yearns for the exact opposite. For example, when you are too bored, u hope to keep yourself occupied by anything in front of you. When you are lonely, you wish someone had asked about you or called u out. Or maybe u might take the initiative. This emotional tendency is almost like a reflex action.

Actually, a myriad of emotional patterns are often involuntarily. Ups and downs, and sometimes even sideway swing of emotions. Alright, i dont want to sound so complex here, not a psychologist or some analyst. The issue here is whether we are able to recompose ourselves suitably, and regain our rational thinking. Sometimes more than that is needed. Its hard to realign our thinking sometimes when we have taken a hard hit. So more often, courage is essential. The courage to shift our mindsets, gain a different context and to stem the flow of negative vibes. Preoccupation is a powerful word. It is in fact pivotal in everyone's life. Whatever we think lays the foundation for our future actions and imaginations. Its just like colour painting. U have the palette in front of u, with the various colours there. These colours are the ingredients for our painting, just like the ingredients for our thoughts. Humans relate experiences and past actions. We relate to familiarity, and tread cautiously on uncertainty, thats why we are reluctant to change. We simply dare not to step out. We are afraid to make the first move even though we might recognise that it might be for our own good.

For this i dare not prescribe any remedy, but hope such instances can be minimised. We all need this bit of courage in these "unique" times. Which are sometimes provided by close friends or kin. No man is an island, no man stands alone is probably an apt description.

Well things on my side are getting better. It was a rather eventful week with things planned. ORD's kinda near, but now it means no more than a date. A date where many anticipate so dearly to come by, but yet when it approaches, the significance and hype around it slowly fades into the distance. The irony of it all, as what i described earlier. Leave no regrets for what u do, Seize the moment to live the way u want. When life fails u, do not fail life. The broader meaning in life is not to always win the battle, but the war.

Engage in a healthy preoccupation, of our minds :) And for this, stay happy my friend !

Dimensionless Life

Have u ever experienced a dimensionless life? Felt empty within? I think most of us would at least have a short stint somewhat. It could be due to an existing incident which traumatises u, or maybe just the lack of direction to keep u sufficiently engrossed in life. No matter what it is, in a dimensionless life, a person is most susceptible to influences, more easily swayed by external factors.

Try doing nothing for one day. Some might be able to just laze around at home, camping in front of the computer and surfing random sites, watch movies and sit through the day. The more active ones will go out and laze on the streets. Notice that while the venues are different, the motives are the same. When one has nothing to attend to, wandering graps its divine opportunity, infesting our minds and soul. Someone told me recently that not doing anything is the most wasteful form of all unproductive activities. Instead of circling around decisions and options, start on one of them, for at least life is moving on.

In the days leading up to ORD, i'm almost free everyday, but it is challenging to keep myself preoccupied. I'll try to stay afloat and well in this period. Meanwhile, for those who are equally bored, maybe we can meet up :D

Just had a separate thought in my head: better late than never, is it really always true? i thought everything has a time and place on earth? or else much of its significance would be lost?

Any takers to this qn?

Beijing Trip (25 - 30 Sep 07)

25 Sep

0015 – Boarded CA 970 to Beijing
0610 – Touched Down, GW came to pick us up
0745 – Reached 什刹海体育学校, brought our baggage to 国际公寓 where we put up.
0800 – Went down to hotel basement for breakfast
0900 – Took a nap in hotel
1230 – Met GF, GM, and GW for lunch at 日昌饭店.
1400 – Headed back to hotel, chatted with GW and GF
1500 – GF brought us to 北海公园
1700 – Went back to hotel for a short rest
1830 – Dinner at 格格府 with JY, GW, JY’s parents and GF.
2115 – Headed back to hotel
2300 – Lights Off

26 Sep

0800 – Reveille
0830 – Went down to hotel basement for breakfast
0900 – JY brought us to shop at 天意商场
1200 – Proceeded to 京味楼 near GW’s house for lunch with GW, JY and her parents.
1330 – Went up to GW’s house.
1600 – Went back to hotel for a rest
1730 – Headed for 王府井 for shopping and dinner
2200 – Reached back hotel
2300 – Lights Off

27 Sep

0730 – Reveille
0800 – Went down to hotel basement for breakfast
0900 – Met GW, GF and set off to 八达岭长城
1200 – Lunched at 狗不理 at foot of 八达岭长城
1245 – Left 八达岭, headed back to hotel to meet 刘大夫
1500 – Had a consultation with the doctor.
1600 – Went back to hotel.
1700 – GW and GF came up to our room for a chat
1800 – GW, GF left, we strolled down 地安门外街 ( Shopped at 地百商场)
1900 – Dined at 永和豆浆, continued our strolling
2000 – Headed back to hotel, en route 荷花市场.
2230 – Lights Off

28 Sep

0730 – Reveille
0800 – Went down to hotel basement for breakfast
1000 – GW came to pick us to meet YH, discussed about Lifestyles’ business
1300 – Walked down to a 老北京 restaurant
1400 – GW dropped us for shopping at 华联广场 and 新世界商场
1700 – GW picked us up and we went for dinner at a small eatery at the back alleys
1900 – Went back to hotel
2300 – Lights Off

29 Sep

0800 - Reveille
0830 – Breakfast in hotel room
0900 – JY picked us up, proceeded to 故宫博物院
1230 – Went down to 秀水街 for shopping
1500 – GW cane to pick us up
1530 – Reached GF mum’s house
1600 – Headed back to hotel
1700 – GW and GF came to our rooms, chatted.
1745 – Went to 日昌饭店for dinner
1830 – Finished dinner and proceeded to 天安门
1915 – Toured the vicinity
2030 – Reached back hotel
2330 – Lights Off

30 Sep

0800 – Reveille
0830 – Breakfast in hotel room
0900 – Went down 地安门外街 to shop at the mini天意商场
1030 – Went back hotel
1100 – GW and JY came to pick us up, GW fetched us to airport.
1200 – Reached airport
1355 – Flight CA 957 to Xiamen (Transit)
1700 – Touched down at Xiamen Airport (Transit flight scheduled for 1745 delayed)
2030 – Boarded flight back to Singapore

1 Oct

0140 – Touched down at Changi Airport
0230 – Reached home

Overall:

It has been a relaxing, yet memorable and fulfilling trip. I really appreciate the generous hospitality from my godbrother GW, godsister JY, godfather (GF), godmother (GM) and JY’s parents. Really wanna say thank you all for making this trip possible. Though the five-day trip was a bit short, I enjoyed every bit of it, from the shopping, eating, or even slacking the hotel rooms watching the myriad variety of television channels. Time spent traveling wasn’t bored for me too as I spent most of my time gazing at the sceneries and how the locals lived. I didn’t really bought much souvenirs though, but to me the experience that I had mattered the most. It’s been a worthwhile trip consuming 5 days of my leave, a great vacation away from army life, though ORD leave and off has already put my mood on vacation long ago. I really hope to visit China once again. There are many more places in Beijing alone which I did not have time to visit. This time round I’m not so emotional as the Guangzhou trip last year. But definitely I do miss the life there! The short stay has been enriching :)

As I Depart

The flight to China is at 0015 hours later. Now catching a last opportunity to blog! heh :P This time i'm going with my mum to Beijing, hopefully it would be a fruitful and enjoyable one. Its really a good departure from my NS, a much deserved break i guess. The very last trip i made to guangzhou/hk in nov last year was against the backdrop of my injury. It was a recuperative trip in seek of treatment. But i guess my slipdisc has improved greatly. Well, at least with such optimistic thinking things cant possibly be bad :) Ok, honestly, even as i am about to leave home now, i do feel a tinge of nostalgia, thinking of ppl here and there. Well, as excited as the remaining days are about to be, the nostalgic feeling is inevitably present. Yes, only 5 days.. coming back this sun at night.

Ok! Instead of wake me up when september ends, let me change it. I'll be back when september ends :) Cya everyone, o genki de!

Why?

Of all the five Ws and one H, i still think "Why" is the most empowering and significant one. Its the key motivator to life, galvanising our every actions and doings. Though life often revolves around the what, who, when and where of our existence, the seemingly subliminal purpose or why forms the cornerstone of our behaviour. The why provides the fuel, the mind sets the direction. And there we are, catapulted into this life labyrinth. As reluctant, disorientated, unguided, or disenchanted we are, we are surrounded by obstacles, traps and opportunities. Some appear clearer than the others. I guess the future is a function of our present. And thats why it is imaginery, it is unknown. Ok, before i digress too much into maths, i think i should stop here.

Well, i started counting working days instead of absolute days. doshite? cos absolute days appear too demoralising to an ORD personnel at this stage.. esp with one or two months, the most gruelling period. So now workings days are well below 10. Actual number up to u to guess! I completed my HIV test yesterday, with soon heng and daniel. As we expected, we were guinea pigs for the trainee medic. SH and i got poked on both arms, while daniel, after hearing our stories, requested for the senior medic to do it for him. I wouldnt go about recounting the process, ask me if u want. haha! lest i frighten the rest of them.

Ok, really have nothing much to update on my life for now. Maybe it'll get more eventful after my overseas trip!

挥之不去

有些事情或人往往让我如走马看花观望一番，但有些却令我难以忘怀，挥之不去. 这也许是人性的特征！心中种种欲望，至今无法适当的达成，实在是遗憾. 相信人往往有徘徊的时候，有踌躇，犹豫的时候. 可能我的弱点是往往处于被动状态,没有趁火打铁,把握机会. 又或许是一筹莫展?

有些事尚可顺其自然,船到桥头自然直. 但有些却得当机立断,快刀斩乱麻,不然带给人和事都没有好处!

Procrastination has been the cause of most evil, maybe its time to turn the stage around. The longer we hold, the greater the unpredictability we face. Unknown unknowns are the worst of all uncertainty we can expect. Its like having a time bomb ticking in our lives, unleashing its fury on us. Its like a punishment for our hesitation, a lesson for leaving things till the end, or to allow fate to resolve our problems.

Just take my leave and off schedule for example. There was a major screw up after a restructuring of my unit resulted in forceful interference of my forecasted schedule. Well, wont elaborate here as u know its sensitive. But one thing which i learnt after reading a book is: it is not the events that occur that are important in life, but the kind of significance we attach to these events. Ok, i think i can safely say that irregardless of any unpalatable sentiments i bear towards the schedule planning, it is always another form of blessing in its own disguise. And this disguise can only be discovered by ourselves :)

Transient

That is probably the word used to describe my remaining days in camp. I would probably be making just rare guest appearances this month and of course in oct. There's something stopping me right now from rambling further about army, cos i think its too insecure to post it here. I was rather stunned that someone asked me to take down the name of the composer for my previous post. My first reaction was like OMG, someone actually cares about it u see. Not that my blog is often read though. But i can really feel for the first time how restrictive is blogging, or maybe it applies to the internet as a whole. Everything u say can be tracked, and there are people doing these jobs. It certainly hurt to see people critisizing about ur works or even ur character, but in this world we ought to recognise diversity right? Rational people treat critics with a pinch of salt, or even are thankful to them. Ok this idea should stop here. The rules of this game is not set by me. I just follow it.

Talking about rules, recently read cashflow quadrant, a book by the author of rich dad, poor dad. I've not finished the book yet, but it has dawned upon me that there are rules for everything in this world. Life is a choice, but its a choice hindered by an emotional labyrinth. The decisions we make are so incomprehensible at times, bewildering ourselves too! Our life is a culmination of micro decisions and the macro environmental factors. Navigation is invariably tough if we are indecisive, or lacking in the willpower to make pivotal decisions. That is why people say seize the moment, but to obscure this idea, i would say that the moment can just be anytime, it is an unknown. So how to seize something unknown huh.. u might ask it.. but it boils down onto our values and thinking. Humans have preferences. We have our irrationality. We have our moods and temperaments. All these play a part in our decision making, and influences us to different extents.

Nevermind if you dont really get what i was blabbering. Transience. All this is inevitably over by the time u read this sentence. Time has passed. An end summons the beginning of another. The day revolves around a constant us, and not the other way round.

Alright, before i plunge into another realm of philosophy, i shall stop here. btw i'm on duty. And this gives u an idea of how transient life is in the army.

In Song

Yesterday marked the end of months of chorale practices. "20 Years, In Song". Although i only joined chorale for less than 1 year, i could feel the spirit and bonding of the members. Its been fun in chorale overall, all the practices, the rehearsals. Although i dont really socialise much with the chorale ppl, like going for dinners and stuff, i enjoyed every bit of the singing with them. Thank you VC for all that we've gone through!:) I really look forward to the next event which is most probably caroling. Will be missing out on the upcoming carmina thingy.

As for the concert yesterday, i felt that it was pretty fine. I mean i could feel "together since" coming alive, literally due to some kind of intangible pressure exerted by the composer?? Its like OMG, he's here, so lets sing it well to show that VC can make "eccentric" songs sound nice :D haha. Yup, but i do have to agree that VC is a more expressive choir. Lux and Sleep were definitely nice with the lighting. And i think the singing was nice too. Thank you kenny and ben for the lightings ya! Not to forget this special group of people who have been behind-the-scenes toiling hard. My gratitude to those who made the concert possible! PS. the broken light bulb an exception? lol:)

Now for some personal evaluation, i felt that my singing wasn't up to expectations. I think i should stop dithering on having voice lessons. I just have this instinct that my fundamentals are flawed somewhere, esp in my breathing technique and my support. I know roughly where are my problems, but am not able to rectify them. Ok, enough on this less optimistic para :)

Moving on, i've realised that my weekends are much more free now that chorale practices have come to a temporary halt. More time to go out with friends, friends whom i've lost touch for quite some time. As for now, i'm anticipating the recordings and photos of In Song!

Eh on a last note, I still prefer the traditional version of No Man Is An Island. No Man+In Song is no doubt acceptable, and is in fact an interesting departure from the normal flavour of "on-calls", but the sentimental value of No Man can never be erased.

No Man Is An Island, No Man Stands Alone.

你我人生觉醒多少？

上个星期三上了艾莫老师的课程 - 财富的觉醒.在诸多艾莫老师的培训中，每一次我都受益良多。在这一次的课程里，老师为我们讲解了心致模式。一个人拥有的心致，比拥有任何成功的价值还要高，它是我们一生中的指路航标，掌控着我们生命的。但偏偏这细腻又微不足道的细节却是那么容易忽视，那么困难掌握。艾莫老师告诉了我们，心致-思想-行动-行为模式-习惯-性格-命运。这是息息相关的，一个导致另一个。所以今天我们培养了什么心致，我们未来的命运就会是如何。这句话说得容易，做的难。每一个人对待周边发生的任何事情所采取的反应就是我们心致的象征。很多时候，我们常常把焦点放在表面上，过度在乎了自己的外在。活了这么久，完善自我内在简直少之又少。虽然物质方面非常饱满，但心灵却空虚。

好了，请大家饶恕我大发感慨，我想心致这类内涵深奥的话题，并非在我这样几句话就能使你领悟。但也算完成了我想与大家分享的意愿。

How many of us have thought seriously about life? What we want, what's our measure of happiness and satisfaction? Maybe we have all dwelled upon our career, how much we wish to earn, when we want to start a family, where to go for a holiday.. but not many have contemplated about the mission of their existence.

U know i'd sometimes think that life is like a game, like monopoly. People keep revolving around their daily routine activities just like the game where players have to keep passing the "go" mark. We collect money everytime we pass go, just like how we draw income every month. We spend on our expenses, buy cars and properties, save up, and even random events pop up like the "chance" cards. Its like some inevitable journey which doesnt stop just because we are sick or tired. U realise that the game portrays material wealth above everything in life. But of course thats because it is the very nature of the game. I'm not faulting the game or what, but i think sometimes we ought to slow down the pace of our life and think hard. Think hard of those around us, our parents, our friends. Cos at the end of this game of life, there is only one fate, that is to depart from this world. And there are many variables in life.

Health is one of most vital components which is often traded off with instant gratification. You might not know that you might fall terribly ill tmr, or that ur loved ones might. Take a step back. Pay attention to our spiritual world. U will then realise that all desires and yearnings in this world arise and disappear due to slight differences in the workings of our innate. We can control them, just that we are not persistent enough. We can change our destiny, just that we do not believe we can sometimes.

Everyone is a mirror of their innate, just that this mirror is more often viewed by people around us, and not so much by the creator himself.

Life At Its Crossroads

I tend to feel slightly exhilarated over ORD sometimes, but yet i anticipate that my post ORD time would be under utilised if i nv plan well. To think that i'm so eagerly displaying the ORD counter and yet u can see me lamenting about nothing to do later on. Haha, i think life's a paradox sometimes. Sorry these few posts are always somehow related to ORD.

Well, just some thoughts at this point of time. Should we ever let nature take its own course? Some things would really progress too slowly if we allowed that. Sometimes we need catalyst, but to what extent and when should we use?

Ok, if u dont really understand it, take it as nothing has been said. Its the little thoughts that my inner soul is pondering about now. I somehow feel that life is always at its crossroads.

ORD - On Routine Demand

The aim of every serviceman is to ORD, and i bet this yearning has reached a pinnacle for most of the 1987 jc batch guys. The acronym ORD - On Routine Demand is indeed a fitting description of the constant longing and clamoring heard. I shall now present to you my jubilation of reaching the 100 day mark, or rather the anticipation of the two digits!



For those who don't know, its a snapshot from my ORD counter below. It was taken during office hours! :)

From All Thoughts Everywhere

When people pray they bear certain hopes and aspirations, be it immediate or long-drawn. However what remains in common is that they plant a seed of their destiny. We are the embodiment of our thoughts, expressions and actions. By subconsciously reminding ourselves of our dreams, we allow our soul to indulge in precious perks which only serve to bind us closer to our dreams spiritually. I want it, and i want it badly. This is a common phrase often muttered perfunctorily, or out of exasperation. But our predisposition and demeanor go through a radical change subsequently when we send out these sirens. Henceforth the title FATE, an abbreviation for From All Thoughts Everywhere.

Ok, these are just some little thoughts after reading the chinese book. Thats all for now i guess. Be positive, and life will be positive. Do not hesitate to be what u want to be. Change your life by setting an example for yourself. Dare to dream!

Oh, btw, this is the chinese book:

Garden With No View - Only If We Perceive It So

Last friday, our unit had its anniversary..i think it should be the 5th anniversary, hm who cares? lol:P. If you follow my previous post, you would have known that the event is held in the zoo. Being chosen as one of the so called "helpers" by the organiser, i basically camped at a certain checkpoint in the zoo. There, teams would arrive and solve puzzles given by me, and upon solving them, i'm supposed to give them clues to their next checkpoint. And in total we had 3 checkpoints, and the one i was in was a pavilion called "Garden With A View". Here it is..


And of course i wouldnt stay so conspicuously inside the pavilion. I took a seat on a bench behind the pavilion, trying to maximise my disguise. Haha, but some groups later came on to say that they could see me from a distance away.. oh wellss.. cos it was an upslope. But nvm. Anyway it wasnt a very concealed area afterall. And from the bench i sat on this was my view.


I camped at my checkpoint for almost two hours. That was the entire duration given to the event. So i decided to call it Garden with no view because that was all i saw as compared to other helpers. One was at the reptile garden. There were much more to see. But of course i am not grumbling too much on it cos its already quite good that we are not in office working. And considering that i had been to the zoo the week before as an advance party, getting to really "visit" the zoo, go on animal-gazing, watch animal feedings, i'm rather glad to be a helper.

Haha, actually looking at the big picture, any issue in the world has both its good and bad sides. desirable and undesirable. both relative to the viewer. In the eye of the beholder. Together with Mark Haddon's book i borrowed from the library, it was this chinese book entitled "所以你也要发正念"

I havent really finished it. But it discusses on the law of attraction. When a person is thinking of something, he is actually sending out signals and waves to the world. Every thought is a wave. And the fact the people with similar interests often congregate together without the need to call, or the fact that unfortunate incidents often descend on us one after another, it is all attributed to our thoughts. These intangible signals have the capability to resonate with the surroundings. Just like instruments which can provide vibrative resonance, singers can shatter glasses at high pitch, and destructive waves causes bridges to crack, signals emanating from our thoughts (be it positive or negative) has the tendency to go along with signals of similar frequency. Sometimes you might hear people saying casually to one another: " hey, i think we are talking in different frequencies", ie "no link". This is an apt description of a discourse in conversational topic. Such conversations tend to end quickly, or if it were btw two strangers, it might even end abruptly. Thus the string of happenings that we encouter later on are actually somewhat controlled and linked to the way we think. Our innate world hold the key to both our tangible achievements and intangible satisfactions - emotions.

I know it is hard to tell people to smile when they are sad. Or to think of very positive things when they are worrying. For the matter that is causing distress itself has to be attended and treated at its roots, and not by the method of problem digressifying or by distractions. First i think we need to get in "control". In "full control", and not auto pilot. If our brain is the computer and our thoughts are the processes and programs, we must be the person sitting in front of the computer choosing what processes we want to run. We need to press ctrl-alt-del to go to the task manager and end deleterious tasks. We need to get rid of malignant programs. And this person that presses the ctrl-alt-del is often our inner voice. The inner subconscious that sometimes warns us of imminent danger and sometimes does the analysis on subject matters. It's actually a very powerful voice which dictates how we function and what we think.

Positive attract Positive. Thats why positive thinking works. Our conception of the world is the way we are living currently and in the future. Although detractors might argue that simple thoughts might not lead to disastrous consequences without concrete actions, they might be blatantly misled. Thoughts, though seemingly subliminal, are actually the engines of our actions, the arsenal of motivation in whatever we set off to do subsequently.

I think, therefore i am. In this world, people are merely an illusion of their thoughts. Their world has parameters defined by their thinking. Cliche like "think out of the box", "step out of your comfort zone" often lies in our thoughts. The world is torturous because we looked at it in that way. If at anytime, we want to blame anyone or even the world for our fate, we must first know that we brought it upon ourselves. Everything in this world is accounted for, and has a meaning for its existence.

每一件事的发生都有其必然性

The way to lead a fulfiling life foward is to add a short phrase behind the above chinese quote. That would be:

而且必将有助于你

Fun Zoo Trip + Book Review

Well, i rather enjoyed my last friday trip to the zoo. You may ask what is a freaking NSF doing in the zoo during a weekday. Nothing fishy there, i'm just part of the committee organising for our unit anniversary, surprisingly held in Singapore zoo. First things first, it was a real sense of nostalgic. I had not visited the zoo for more than a decade at least, and the feeling of being a "tourist" in a foreign land was only natural when i first set sight on the landscape around me.

We went one round throughout the entire zoo, taking photos, formulating questions and useful hints to possible puzzles and quizes. Wa, and dont underestimate the effort there man..there have been envious glows by my fellow friends that its great to be off somewhere else as compared to being in the office. No doubt i would have agreed, but the walk was also quite shag and tiring alright. But of course the atmosphere was pleasant. Call it an excursion. On that day itself, i saw numerous throngs of primary school kids on excursion. And one of the sch was my pri sch!

Ok, just finished reading Mark Haddon's book. "The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time".

Mark's vivid unravelling of the workings of a logical yet socially challenged mind portrays another dimension of life which many people would have not been able to comprehend. It is a touching and convincing plot of the struggles that a poor little child has had to go through. Though reviews by other publications used the word "funny" and "humourous", i find it disturbing and inappropriate. It is more poignant and reflective. Solemn yet gracefully and honestly depicted.

Maybe i shall quote one of my favourite lines. Quoted from pg 178.

"And also, a thing is interesting because of thinking about it and not because of being new."

This encapsulates the essense of my review. Great book to one who knows how to appreciate it. To be honest, i found that some parts of the narration are almost similar to mine.

It makes me wonder if i was slightly autistic as well :p

Daytona

Yes, i'm referring to the racing game u see in arcade. But no i'm not gonna say anything about gaming here. Its yet another rambling post, or more accurately, a reflective one. Yes, life probably sounds like an exciting racing game. Life might be daytona.

When we slot in tokens to get our grip on the steering wheel, it is akin to us embarking on our journey of life. We get to choose the cars we want,and the racing routes as well. There is a plethora of choices in life. And decisions are made based on a graded scale of rationality, albeit somewhat governed by our emotions and perceptions.

Its so fictitious in arcade game, seemingly surreal for a racing addict. But the journey of life just passes us second by second, day by day, without any warning or alarm to remind us of our ageing existence. Its always good to reflect on our past toilings and deeds. It serves as a reminder that time has passed, and weighing it against the achievements so far, we know whether we live up to our own expectations.

One cannot possibly sit in front of a daytona machine for a whole day with only one token. Time extensions has its limits, all performances come to an end, be it superlative ones, or under par ones. Its gonna be an inevitable process. This is an apt analogy explaining life and death. There is no need for fear of death, for u know it will come, sooner or later.

Sometimes, a digress in life offers one a much needed respite from our main course, which might be overbearing, stressful and unpalatable to one. Entertainment and fun is part and parcel of a fulfilling lifestyle. But certainly, enjoying too much has the reverse effect, being detrimental and degenerative to the soul. Refueling the car once every few rounds when the fuel is low is vital, but constant refueling every round is a distraction which serve nothing more than a delay.

We face competition all around us. Ferocious, merciless, direct, indirect. Evolution has set the rules of the universe. Survival of the fittest is manifested everywhere. We can never be extricated from this complex world we are in. We are here to navigate through and experience the life we create by ourselves.

Ok, let me stop here. Further paragraghs would turn out as nonsense. I have been experiencing mixed feelings these days. I kinda hate my life in camp now. Maybe its the exposure to similar compatriots whom also loathe their working environment. Like attract like. But i'm glad tmr is July.

Let life be x

This sound mathematical..But pardon my uninspiring post for now.

Let life by x. Thus, logically speaking, given that everyone in this world leads a life unique, our lives are expressed as a unique function of x. g(x), h(x).. what ever functions.

Coincidences Or Uncanny Resemblances?

1) Is there a default in life? can y=x be a template and benchmark in our lives? Why do we like to compare ourselves with those around us? Why is the function of people's lives important to us?

2) Life crosses its path. We might find compatible partners, confidante, best of friends, buddies.. in this case, both mathematical functions intersect, ie there is a solution for g(x)=h(x)

3) Are our lives very complicated? different degrees of polynomial equations?

4) When we start to analyse things, think about life, make judgements, sieve out choices or even adopt a certain perception about things, we are actually taking the derivative of our life function with respect to that particular domain. Sounds familiar eh? dy/dx? dy/dr?

5) How about second order derivatives and higher order ones? These people think really deeply dont they? The extreme case could lead to perverse conditions like paranoia, pessimism. These people, being in deep thoughts, might constitute introverts, but could also point to real wisdom in their respective fields.

6) When we try to guess, infer, postulate, spectaculate, imagine or construe any image, we actually equate these derivatives into a constant. ie, for example, dy/dx = 0, its the gradient. The "gradient" here is the end product of our thought process, our inference and conjecture.

7) Some times we think the same way as others, but only for that small domain and limited range of matters. sin x approximately x for small radian values of x. familiar?

8) Life got asymptotes one leh? heard before? Asymptotes could be horizontal and vertical. They are demarcations of our living environment. Not of the physical space, but of our emotional and behavioural spheres. Human tendencies and inclinations i guess. Somewhat intangible.

9) How about transformation of graphs? Sometimes we make changes to our lives right? We change our lifestyles, our habits, and our attitudes. These changes are reflected in the various transformations. Substitute 2x into x, Subst. (x-1) into x. Subst. (-x) into x. We can initiate changes in myriad ways. Yes Empower!

10) Interesting functions like composite or even inverse functions behold different meanings. Up to the individual to decipher. Of course there are many more!

Life is an equation. Some are famous ones, like F=ma in Newton's, or even Charles Law, Bernoulli. Whats important is not the recognition and endorsement by the masses, but whether we live up to how we define our equation.

何处惹尘埃

"菩提本无树，明镜亦非台，本来无一物，何处惹尘埃"

The above chinese saying often offers us a enlightened perspective of our lives when we are faced with tricky situations and unsettled temperaments. It examines the very origin of the "causative agent" disrupting our lives, and isolates it from the pure and untainted natural blank slate that each unique individual possess.

Humans wield powers of imaginations, visualisations, dreams, fantasies and even glorious ambitions. All these innate desires orientate our mental posture and galvanise our actions to achieve what we seek out for. Sometimes, overwhelmed by emotions or impatience, we might tend to go overboard and lean towards the irrational demeanour. I think it is always good to constantly re evaluate our mission and purpose in life, no matter how distant are we from our goals, or whether we have any for that matter.

It acts as a check and balance for us, to ensure that we are not leading over sensationalised lives or exhibit extremistic behaviour. Humans are slaves of their emotions when they get feel a great deal of any emotion. It is this balance that is easily tilted, such that human relations can be so precariously hung in thin air.

This is not to discourage anyone to feel strongly or passionately for their dreams, it is merely a reminder to those who tend to act based on their emotions. No human is perfect. We are creatures which behave so uncertainly and unpredictably.

Positive Thinking

Positive thinking permeates lives of those whom have been optimistic. Some people have reminded themselves to be positive, at the very least. It is not uncommon that when we encounter unpleasant incidents or emotional setbacks, we realign our thinking such that any negative aura is dispelled, promising ourselves a brighter outlook of the future.

I believe positive thinking might sometimes be held accountable for self delusion, because the person who prefers to acquire these positive views simply use them as an excuse to elude the reality.

It seems that the power of positive thinking is magnified to its greatest potential when it is appropriately employed. It can have disastrous effects for someone who perfunctorily engages in it to assure himself a better future while discounting the reality, while on the contrary it can be immensely beneficial for those who acknowledge the present.

To further elaborate the difference in Postive Thinking in the former and latter contexts, Positive thinking in the latter context offers added source of motivation as it transform the undesired present to an realistic and promising future. In its former context (the disastrous one), the unpalatable present merely gives way to an imaginary optimistic future. Realise that the present image is just cast aside and not eradicated. That is why people adopting the latter thinking might suffer "relapses" of the poor present, and they might find themselves stagnating at the current situation for long periods although they visualise something positive. Moving on from a setback warrants more than any form of contemplation of the "better future", an essential factor is its connectivity to the realistic present.

Oops, i think i have overwritten on a topic which might have been a simply and easy motivational tool to many. Positive thinking is actually a neutral tool, like many things in this world. Humans hold the right to empower their thoughts, responses, behaviours, habits, expressions and of course their actions! The basis of our behaviour is our conception of the world.

That is why we need positive influence. We need exposure to the desirable environment we are in. Because such humans are extremely receptive to influence. Its our choice to surround ourselves with good/bad influence.

Negatively Negative

[Warning: Pessimism Ahead. Do not read any further if you are already so dull and low-spirited]

树欲静而风不止，子欲养时亲不待

I feel a dramatic sense of overwhelming inability to effect the things i desire for. Maybe its the EQ, maybe its the IQ. Some things just cant be put right in my life. I feel that i'm leading a superficial life everyday. I work to live, and i live to work. In NS. Sometimes the environment plays an important part in influencing the individual. I envy my undeviated focus on academics two years back.. not for the sheer amount which has to be studied, but for the tenacity of the mugging spirit. Maybe a person always in seek of challenges create opportunities for himself to learn and improve. I person who immerses himself in a correct environment can maximise his potential, just like a seedling place in a fertile culture. And this culture must also be aseptic of course. Now the culture i'm in has the wrong nutrients and growth promoters. They have contaminants and catalytic poisoners. And i cant believe these terms actually still exist in my mind. I often feel this dearth of direction now especially when serving my NS.

I remembered vividly two years back before i enlisted i envisioned NS as a period of self enrichment and self reflection. I had a couple of goals.. Learn driving, to attend vocal lessons, and a couple of more subtle ones. Well, as u can see now, i passed my driving, dithered on attending vocal lessons, and i can tell u that the other subtle aims arent deservingly given conscientious attention.

Dying to accomplishment in life doesnt lead u through all ur journey to achieve it. I think motivation plays an integral part. Frequent visualisations of personal success, coupled with internal motivation, provides the fuel that is requisite to keep the flame alive and burning. Is the flame that is left burning useful? does it lead the way or only provide warmth to us? Lighting a candle in a breezy environment takes skill. Shield it from the wind,hold it close to us. Maintain the flame warrants greater effort.

The baseline is, can we first find a flame, located in a corner of this world where its glow is valuable, sustain and endear with it without regrets?

Time and Tide wait for no one

Yesterday was SOV 2007, the third sov i have performed in 4 years. This time round, it was in the capacity of a guest choir, the victoria chorale. I felt very different on stage. From the moment i opened my mouth to sing for the rehearsal, i feel as if i was singing solo. Maybe thats the acoustics of the esplanade concert hall. Reminiscence of the good old times. I'm contented to be in chorale, although my ailing voice has not done enough to resurrect my dignity as a chorale singer. U know people always think chorale is like "perfect", and here i am, trying to conceal my underperforming voice beneath the shield of grand, mature, solid and powerful sound. People around me do not believe that my voice is that bad, but being the instrument myself- my voice, it is really hard to withdraw any self-reproach, let alone any inferiority complex. But maybe the joy of singing doesnt lies in the perfect all-rounded sound, maybe not the broadness, depth, bright, focus or even resonating for that matter. It's probably something less superficial, the heart. Unwavering committment to chorale practices had only proved a point - that it was my passion for choral music. The good thing is that the environment isnt at all unpleasant. Everyone there is receptive and reasonably warm, we are all there to learn.

Ok so now back to my topic. I took two consecutive tuesdays off for SYF and SOV. Both for choral music. And i would say it was time well spent. SYF: i'd always love to hear competitive singing, as it forces the choir to bring out the flavour of the music. Some choirs do it naturally because they are more conscious of the need to do so, while so poorer choirs try to imitate the musicality in an unnatural manner. Hearing the myriad of repertoire that day, besides enjoying the music, i am very happy to have people to accompany me on that off day :) Despite the slight dampening of mood due to RJ's results, my spirits remain generally high. It was such exuberance that makes it so memorable. I felt quite sianz the next day when i went to work lor.

As for SOV, chorale's stage time wasnt long, in total probably less than 15 minutes. But the highlight was no man. It was simply great. I believe no man bolds a different meaning to each and everyone of the members up there singing. We all find something we have in common together, and encapsulate it in this solemn and sentimental melody. For those who really cherish that pinnacle moment of their lives, it really can mean alot to stand up on stage for that two minutes or so. Well, before SOV i caught spiderman3 with calvin. well, 7 dollars worth of our time is indeed well spent. For the thrill and its meaning of life. Ok i will stop short of being another spiderman3 commentator for now. Judging by being one of the last few throngs of crowds to watch the movie, i shall leave the reputation of spiderman to stand for itself.

Time and tide wait for no one indeed. While i was absent, some events happened in camp, well not really pleasant ones, especially on my SOV day yesterday. Due to the sensitivities of the issue, i shall not write it here. But whatever it is, life is gonna change, not alot, but definitely not leaving me very happy either.

思念

一种难以言喻的感觉涌入心头
一股强烈的热流冲昏了理智
每时每刻,不论昼夜
都带着不由自主的牵挂
一幕幕的思绪总在我脑海里盘旋
你竟是如此的难以忘怀
你的世界里洋溢着喜悦
充满着生命力
我不懈的期盼
耐心的寻觅
一股奇迹般的勇气
一股充满热情与真诚的微笑
可我心中一筹莫展
只留下了遗憾和辛酸
但愿相伴近在咫尺
温馨的相会尽在不言中.

NSF

This is a very familiar word to all. It leaves indelible memories to some, trauma to others. It bears different imprints on the minds of teenagers. People have different thoughts and feelings about how they are actually living through their NS lives now, which is largely deterministic in their opinions about this compulsory tour of their lives.

The dreadful NS life is taking its toll on me, precisely because i've found no motivation to do the work in front of me, even when i should be doing right now because i'm on duty. Its like a freaking labour day and i'm fated to slog it out here in what u think is such a physically comfortable air conditioned environment. In contrary, it is so stuffy. The air is stale, the mood is stagnant, the work is dead. No pride in our work? How to benchmark pride in the first place? Pride to one might be shame to others. Duties aren't exactly that bad as compared to the normal daily work already, as there are much lesser people to look over us. There have been certain subtle shades of us being part of some national slavery force. I look upon this two years as something which i had hoped initially to gain something out of it. No doubt, i had learnt alot. But i feel that i'm still somehow detached to the outside world. I feel like as if i should not be doing what i am supposed to do now. Someone has imprisoned me in a cage for 2 years.

Oops, ok..i might have just indulged in a few minutes of my self pity. I tend to feel it once in a while, especially with like 188 days more to ORD. Pardon me. I have been diverting my attention to my non-NS life, like chorale and friend outings. I think ultimately the way to move on is to continue to add variety to my monotonous routine. Stagnancy is indeed the greatest evil of all! Let me move on now..

Heart And Soul

Its quite a paradox that i'm writing about heart and soul now when my previous post shows an almost hopeless case of existence. I have watched youtube these past few months on GTO and gokusen season 1. And all i would like to extract out from these two episodes are just four words: Sweat from your Heart. It was said by yankumi, the lead actress/model teacher starred. I think what most of us sometimes lack is what people usually call the X factor when they its so indescribable, or label it as passion (a rather overrated understatement). It is something more intense, something that drives endless tolling and empowers an unbridled desire to pursue individual dreams. It is surely very idealistic to explain it as above, but the moral of the story revolves around devotion.

Everyone probably has the same desire for something similar, but they might not have similar extent of hunger and yearn. That probably sets them apart. A person who has a heart for something might not perform as well as one who has heart and soul. Lets learn to inject some soul into our dreams and hopes, lets learn how to spur ourselves on, i think this skill is easier said than picked up. Even if we successfully do so for once, sustainability becomes the next obstacle. It needs to be ingrained in us. It's probably a culture, more than a learned behaviour. It needs to be involuntary, totally natural. Cultivation of such innate resilience warrants an interminable period of time.

Souless-Existence

For how many times in our lives do we feel that we have been unfairly treated, but yet lack the authority to uphold justice for ourselves? Sometimes there might just be that tiny chance of hope to fight for our own rights, but yet we let it pass by because of insufficient courage. Sometimes i hate myself for not being able to go all out for what i really want to pursue, in all aspects of my life. Its just that dithering in me that retards my efficiency in life, and i fear that it might prove costly to me some day. Procrastination, yes it might sound as if i am a patient of this disease, but being an optimistic person, you could also think it another way. Procrastination can also create the time u need to carefully consider ur options again.

Somehow i feel that my life is impeded. I seem to possess this humongous inertia which takes more than willpower to overcome it. Probably it needs a nasty nudge. Well, i must say that although my life now doesnt really need me to step out of my comfort zone to mug or do something so intensively, i really think that by just squandering day by day away, i'm not much worse off than spending a life in prison. I know i might have intentionally exaggerated, but that is how i genuinely feel at my inept. I'm now like a free rotating weak magnet dangling around to face whatever's near that is attracting me, constantly changing my direction of motion. If life is a cumulative process, i would at best have accomplished nothing.

Sometimes i wish turning the time back to jc or sec sch years, where although time might be tight, i was spiritual bound to a cause for existence. My soul now revolves around transience and instant gratification. My immediate desires are easily fulfilled, but my long term goals are increasing obscured. As the time passes by, i plunge deeper into this abyss of self-disintegration, or what many call as rotting. I need to save myself, and i am fully aware that i am my only saviour.

I have always been trying hard. And i will continue to do so. I'm fortunate i can at the very least still realise my deterioration. It is really true to hear people say that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Something has to turn out as a result of my tenacity, and that remains to be seen. I shall elaborate no further, as if u realise this is also part of my rotting at work.

Till next time then. Nil Sine Labore.

I regret to say...

Many people often lament about their choices made in life, with some regretting their past actions. From time to time, humans invariably comment on things in retrospect, saying sorry, regretful, etc, and that we seem to resign to fate at every unpalatable outcome. Maybe "regret" is only an emoticon that we assign it to describe how we feel now. Is it really possible to live a life without regret as many others would want to? Some behold these glorious dreams just to find that they are indulging in self-deceit. Some find it mission impossible as we cant guarantee the outcome of our choices. But whatever we choose, i must admit that we have rightfully considered our choices and evaluated it as best as we can. So some of us tell ourselves that I have done my best and have no regrets. But can this languid attempt of self-assurance salvage any emotional turmoil from a bleak turnout?

Maybe not i guess. We'll be forced to acknowledge the reality and accept the consequence of our decision. Just as we start to repent, we would probably recall previous warnings and signs of disaster, or suddenly remembering a particular someone whose advice u chosen to ignore. Though there is no point in grieving over the mistake, it is crucial to learn from often-dismissed reminders in our lives given by insignificant people around us whom we have taken for granted. We ought to admonish ourselves for not considering heeding their warnings seriously, as every occurrence in this world entails a reason behind it, be it conspicuous or oblique.As much as we might blame the world for the uncertain uncertainties that ruined our choices, it does not diminish the responsibility on us for not giving due attention to the world which has also provided certainties. We should not play the blame game.

So sometimes we should not be so parochial. Minute sparks at any corner can lead to an inferno. In the event that something untoward does occur, "regret", and its other synonymphs, are merely overrated words, just like sorry itself.

Pay attention to the world around you.

Law Of Attraction + Brainwash

CO screened the law of attraction a couple of weeks ago for all in our unit. I was rather prepared for something more philosophical and introspective when he suddenly announced the movie screening. I mean, through his blog and given that its literally office hours, how ridiculous it is to screen a casual movie unless it is one which has a greater profound meaning and realisation behind it?

Yes, so we sat inside the comfy conference room, and we were introduced to that show. It started off like some advertising gimmick, brandishing confidence in its purported "secret" It appeared far-fetched at first impression, but you know, since its CO's show,it would definitely reveal some substance later on. So my patience was put to the test. But surprisingly, stories unfold and we were later enticed to know what's really the secret. And it was told as the law of attraction. So whats really the law of attraction? As its name implies, its like the workings of a magnet; you attract it, it comes into your life. Ok, i'll stop the narration now. Its time for me to give an insight to my opinion of the law of attraction.

A couple of posts ago, i emphasized that humans are actually rationale creatures, and we play a significant part in formulating our own perception of things. Law of attraction is a tool for this crafting process. As we let our mind wonder, our brain would think of something randomly. It never stops working, just like our heart. The only difference is whether it appears immediately conspicuous to our soul, or whether we pick these vague signals up. When we do so, we are casting an imaginary net to capture that object, (i.e. capture the thought that emanates). Then our mind ruminates over it, churning out a myriad of possibly related happenings and links to it. Through passive reorganisation of these bit-sized details, we piece together the full picture of our jigsaw puzzle, which is a perception. So the law of attraction takes up a primary role in gathering this bit-sized fragments.

For example, when approaching an examination, we involuntarily invite the element of fear into our minds, consciously reminding ourselves that we havent start preparing and would be doomed to fail. When we introduce this fragment into our mind, we are obviously trimming our perception to accomodate this negative element. In fact, law of attraction happens too sub-conscious that many people proclaim to self-despair that they cannot rein in their perceptions. Well, it isnt as easy as i say to just tell yourself to think of optimistic things so that our fragents would be positively connotated and as such our perception is a desirable one. The greatest hurdle of mankind is its ability to acquire complete authority over its emotional factory. We are adept at obtaining things which are tangible, but we it comes to the intangibles, we put up a weak front.

Thus, i believe that there must be a "revamp" or a "reboot" of our human minds at times. Or literally a brainwash, or in the techno sense, a reformatting of our hard disks. Its definitely not back to an original blank slate, but rather giving ourselves a chance at repicking our fragments. This "revamp" i am talking about actually happens by two ways: Passive or Active.

Passive: It happens rarely in humans in my opinion, only for the selected few. These people have extraordinary willpower and conviction. But in tandem with these two qualities they must yet be receptive. Most people do not belong in this category, because although they might have a strong willpower, they are also resistant to changes.

Active: This refers to the environmental factor. The situation and circumstances surrounding us. The force of nature, not its wrath though. The essence of it is a sudden, swift, unexpected change in our environment such that it weightily impacts on us, automating the self-discovery of our perceptive obsoleteness and redundancy. Its like "a knock on our head" to make it simple. But of course chancing upon such circumstances isnt that much frequent either, but it is the predominant stimulus for perpception changes in humans.

Right, i guess i've delved too deeply into the micro aspects of perceptions. For those who dont really understand the above load of rubbish, do not get frustrated and irritated here. Take a deep breath, take it easy. For if u attract such worked-up thoughts, you are likely to get a bad day today.

So now do you understand it? =)

Stagnancy - Definitely NOT in Life

Do you think that things can ever be left stagnant when unperturbed, unaroused, or even untouched? To examine inanimate objects from a shallow point of view, a pot of articifial flowers placed on a table top would never change its position unless an external force is exerted. Sounds pretty like Newton's First Law? We don't discern visible movements or displacements, but above this superficial observation, is it really of value to probe into why people say things would never remain the same again?

A famous Chinese proverb, 学如逆水行舟，不进则退. In fact many things, not only academics, exhibit such dichotomy. Nothing stands still. When u don't move, u are falling back. Be it relative to others or relative to the environment. Our mind sometimes distort what we see as "not moving" mainly because we are curtailing our vision and concern to the object relative to itself. Its actually deception. Many of our judgements made with relevance to our daily lives are often consequences of mismanaged perception, or rather our "inept" ability to obtain a rationale view of occurrences around us. As such, we have made negative advancements in our life. We are falling back.

In fact, we live our lives half the time in our own world, with only the other half responding to the ever changing environment. Humans are conservative creatures, this is undeniable. The fact that we think for ourselves, and sometimes exhibit necessary selfish stints, are testaments to us living partially in our own world. When we have two different realms of existence, our job in life is to reconcile them. It is a demanding job, a job which most blunder. The way to do it well is not to compromise any, instead accommodate both. How do we match our inner world to the outer such that it exists in equilibrium all the time? That's the key. What distinguishes a human being from another is her unique manifestation and actions of reconciliation.

Life somewhat obeys Le Chatelier principle, as what we known in chemistry. We cant afford to experience extremes for a prolonged period of time, and yet there will never be a period of calm. Stagnancy is a misnomer in the context of life, and would not really so too at death. For one's death creates a ripple in the lives of others, and this chain goes on and on.

When Our Life Turns Misty

When the lack of direction plagues our life, we are absolutely paralysed, either directly or obliquely. When we allow our future to dangle in thin air, to be open to bid by others like in an auction, we are subjecting it to the play of unscrupulous elements in a materialistic world. We feel restless at times, I admit, and our souls just wander around, literally window shopping. The inertia to start moving on again seems to be insurmountable. There seems to be no activation energy and motivation. How we wish there were a gust of wind, a tinge of inspiration, some little perks to lift us out. But as we going on wishing, we feel that that the sense of doom is reinforced, overwhelming our minds at every possible opportunity. Maybe that’s what they say about the law of attraction. We attract what we think of. And once again, I hate to explain the idea about changing our mindsets, for no matter how its easy to put in words, its always a billion times harder to put into practice.

I know that as many people say we empower ourselves, we control our own destiny, or maybe something more definite is that at least we are conscious that we live our own lives. However, facing the reality, how many people actually possess the capability to analyse themselves from a third party neutral view, and holistically head for a prudent journey of life? In our daily doings, our emotions dictate our demeanor. We often find ourselves having to take remedial actions for what we do. We often have this humongous time-bomb in us. Humans are governed by their feel. We are supposed to be rational creatures, but more often displaying temperamental stints. We seem to have little grip on the sentiments emanating. This might be subtle for some but magnified in others. Humans display a graded mixture of rationality.

But just as a side topic, I often wonder if rationale and emotional people mix well. Or rather, is it always the case where like attract like? Or does it resembles magnetic repulsion btw the like poles? Are rational people superior over emotional people? I’d think the entire human race can just be placed somewhere along the emotional-rational scale. Though I would refuse to conclude that whichever side is superior, I am more inclined to believe that each individual, regardless of where he stands in the scale, exhibits individual traits that would also be integral in his interaction with others. So in conclusion, to each his own. Individual isolation should not be encouraged, but at the same time, one must not blindly follow the crowd. 所谓出人头地，出类拔萃，是完全有顾及全体的. 如果没有群众，那我们只能算是一意孤行. 这是没什么好自豪的.

6 Weird Things - Including THis Post

"this is what you are supposed to cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game.. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things about themselves as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog."

Hm ok..so i guess all the randomness has just fallen onto me. 6 weird things?
I'll try.

1)Blogging so "philosophically" during like 4am in the morning. Of course during my duties la.
2)Wearing VJ uniform back to school to collect my 'A' level cert.(hey in fact i do take pride in it :)
3)Keep thinking about a concept for a few days until i understand. (i had this experience with math just before prelims. how scary)
4)Competiting with friends to see how fast we can chant our memorised social studies topics (weird right? that was really a fanatic thing)
5)sitting in front of a computer thinking of what to do.
6) Spending so much time in army uniform thinking about the 6 weird things that have happened to me during office hours and blogging this :)

I am breaking the rule now, i wont pass it down to the next six people. So just treat this post as a casually leisure one.

The Rule That Never Change

Everything is never stagnant. The earth never cease to rotate, seismic movements never stop to create devastating earthquakes, and for all other natural workings of life, including the involuntarily trudging to work in the mornings, life has never been able to ever appear exactly the same. Similar, but never congruent. As history puts it, something done can never be undone. Placing something back to its original position will never be the same as untouching the object. And even if u categorically deny all these changes in life, there is one domain for sure, which will incontrovertibly move on, even if u hate to. And that’s time. And probably for what I’ve said so much, you would recognize that the only probably rule that never change is change itself.

In the ever changing sphere of life, I would like to question the existence of the word “routine”. It seems like the word monotonous is a misnomer. Standard Operating Procedures, or SOP, for all organizations who employ this term, is very much falsified. There can never be a standard way to respond to a different scenario that occurs everyday. Adaptability sounds more correct. It is uncommon to hear grievances that work is dull and boring. And believe ever so deeply that it is inherently so. Why not take a look at interesting jobs then? These “palatable tasks” that sparks our excitement has found a way to sow seeds of satisfaction and joy, and thus we innately believe so. These sparks are generated very easily as a matter of fact, because we perceptibly welcome it. We open the gate to the gardener who sows the seeds. And this explanation is for the positive responses about work being engaging, exciting, likeable.

So how is routine work founded on? It occurs when our attention giving to a specific task stagnates at a particular unchanged purpose, thereby generating a responsive mechanism to an “outdated bug” which resides in our mind. It dictates our mind to view it in a repetitive way, that we are doing something that what we have already done many times. It focuses on the frequency, and not on the quality. And being an insidious bug, it soon spreads like wildfire, infecting our emotions, our perceptions, and sadly, our action. We find it hard to resist defiant acts of demonstration against routine activities, and our pent-up desire to rid these “routine” works simply adds fuel to the fire.

So the fundamental reason why humans dread routine is because we don’t recognize changes. We don’t inject differences to our lives. We don’t identify ourselves with different purposes of doing a common daily chore. We don’t give ourselves a chance to relook things from different perspectives. We are so reluctant to changes. If you realize, we made a grave mistake. We did not obey the sacred rule, the rule that never changes.

Benign Manifestations

I sincerely thank those who stumbled onto my blog and do appreciate the intricacies of my posts. Some are philosophical, some are unabashedly written, yet some may trigger parallel imaginations. Whatever the reason, i welcome skepticism. And i love opinions, cynical ones inclusive. When there's discussion there's engagement, through engagement we form common understanding, and from there it paves a way towards the very meaning of what i truly believe is the sole existence of my blog, benign manifestations.

Actually i have questioned myself infinite number of times the reason for my blogging. I've asked people about their opinions of blogging too. Some told me its just casual fun, some hoped to share their live experiences with others, some just drift with the digital trend. Some are addicted, some are indifferent. Some view blogging as a waste of time, some cherish their posts and always adore them with colourful pictures. To me, quintessentially, i blog because i feel that there are many common affairs which need to be thought deeper. Failing to do so does depreciate the value of our life. Either we havent gave serious reflections on our past deeds, or that we do not bother about what we had just spent our day on. I dont think its a manifestation of indifference, or any departure from the norms of "daily life" blogging. So regardless of the various external opinions, here i am, always humble in sharing my views, dedicated to those that would potentially benefit from my benign manifestations.

I seek you to join me in this journey.

Filtrating EXAMINATION

When the word EXAMINATION was first made an english term, never did it anticipate that it could unleash so much horror upon the world. It can be used with almost any word u like: EXAMINATION hall, room, paper, board.. so many combinations. And it literally makes a student freak out, a teacher gets worried about his rice bowl, the parents frantic... etc. It is really like pandemonium, especially in schools. It is like an endemic, so indiscriminating in its spread. It is similar to a disease, with sypmtoms first appearing, then a myriad of effects taking its toll on us. There is the pre and the post. How intimidating is that. Somehow examination is inextricably linked to fear.

Ok. Maybe when i attempt to dissect EXAMINATION you may get more relieved about it. If i were to pass EXAMINATION through an emotional filter paper, and when all human emotions are clearly residued, whats left behind are those meaningless exam questions, exam results, exam answers, exam grades, etc. But its easy said than done right? if i tell u to empty your mind of such apprehension, i am merely wasting my efforts as it is virtually impossible to do so. Come on, will u tend to look at residue trapped in the filter paper or the filtrate that passes through the filter paper more naturally? Or to rephrase my question, how much of your time spent observing the filtration process would you be focusing on the filtrate rather than the residue. My bet is most would just give a cursory glance at the filtrate, while devoting most of their time on what is gonna be left on the filter paper.

You say its natural tendency. Yes, this is an incontrovertible fact of life. It is our inborn tendency, our innate inclinations. It is involuntarily. Our minds tend to be more preoccupied towards the conspicuous, and the "all-encompassing". So how do we make this change? To put it simply, its just a mere alteration of our view to that of the filtrate. Simple, but is it really so? No it isnt. It is a forceful change. A test of our mental flexibility to take on new perspectives. We need to look at things from a new dimension. We have to look at the glass of water which is half filled as half empty. Its easy for the glass of water but not easy for the pile of books in front of u isnt it? This is because the glass of water is something tangible, while fear is intangible. Emotions are our greatest enemies because we feel absolutey impotent to have complete control over them. That is why people say the greatest fear is not others, but oneself.

You need the tenacity, the hunger, and the sheer will to change it. In short, you must be more fearful of the outcome of not changing your mindset than the fear towards the examinations itself. Then there is a chance. HOw, How, How... My answer to you is: when you are desperate enough, you will find an answer to it.

As the cliche goes, it's all in the mind. But in order to execute it, it takes much more than just being "cliche".