Negatively Negative

[Warning: Pessimism Ahead. Do not read any further if you are already so dull and low-spirited]

树欲静而风不止，子欲养时亲不待

I feel a dramatic sense of overwhelming inability to effect the things i desire for. Maybe its the EQ, maybe its the IQ. Some things just cant be put right in my life. I feel that i'm leading a superficial life everyday. I work to live, and i live to work. In NS. Sometimes the environment plays an important part in influencing the individual. I envy my undeviated focus on academics two years back.. not for the sheer amount which has to be studied, but for the tenacity of the mugging spirit. Maybe a person always in seek of challenges create opportunities for himself to learn and improve. I person who immerses himself in a correct environment can maximise his potential, just like a seedling place in a fertile culture. And this culture must also be aseptic of course. Now the culture i'm in has the wrong nutrients and growth promoters. They have contaminants and catalytic poisoners. And i cant believe these terms actually still exist in my mind. I often feel this dearth of direction now especially when serving my NS.

I remembered vividly two years back before i enlisted i envisioned NS as a period of self enrichment and self reflection. I had a couple of goals.. Learn driving, to attend vocal lessons, and a couple of more subtle ones. Well, as u can see now, i passed my driving, dithered on attending vocal lessons, and i can tell u that the other subtle aims arent deservingly given conscientious attention.

Dying to accomplishment in life doesnt lead u through all ur journey to achieve it. I think motivation plays an integral part. Frequent visualisations of personal success, coupled with internal motivation, provides the fuel that is requisite to keep the flame alive and burning. Is the flame that is left burning useful? does it lead the way or only provide warmth to us? Lighting a candle in a breezy environment takes skill. Shield it from the wind,hold it close to us. Maintain the flame warrants greater effort.

The baseline is, can we first find a flame, located in a corner of this world where its glow is valuable, sustain and endear with it without regrets?