Lesson # 1 - Expectations: A Window To Our Emotions

Sound fast yeah? Just sounded like i had a bad experience or sth... In fact u could say it was an unexpected outcome positively taken. Actually our lives are always full of "oh yars" and "i got it", or even subtle indications for changes. There is a triggering event for these responses, albeit they may be both pleasant and unpleasant ones. But its ok, it isnt always sundays, and things naturally do not always proceed as planned .We need to embrace surprises, be prepared for adaptations towards changes. Natural selection - survival of the fittest.

I've came to conclude that what essentially governs our emotions are our expectations. Generally, the greater the dissimilarity in what we hope to achieve and what we have, the more agitated and unstable our emotions are. By quelling any upsurge of emotions isnt the remedy for such misguided problem. By altering our expections, we would slowly initiate the rehabilitative process, but i would like to underscore the fact that altering doesnt mean lowering. Varying would be better i shld say. Learning to seek solace in subjects which we try to derive greater meaning in life, not purely as a respite from the reality.

So what is expectation then? To me, i define it as the extent of acknowledgement of our self worth. And to measure the extent, we have an inner benchmark. This benchmark must never be only compared against yourself, for although many ppl would like to say that by triumphing ourself its sufficient, i would say what if u think u are good, but in fact u are like the last in this world, wouldn't ur ego plunge to the bottom at the very next instant. So lets get realistic, we do need to weigh ourselves against something. But what is that something? Thats where it is crucial. You grade yourself against that something which must be conceivable, achievable, and most of all, somthing which u gradually acquired confidence in it. By setting this benchmark, i am definitely precluding any arguments for setting easy expectations. Of course if u are one which is highly pacified, it just means that u've set a wrong comparison. To yourself its right, but for your own good it may not be that correct. We must always expect a persevering process in order to achieve our expectations, so do take this as a guide when u set expectations. In summary, it must be an expectation within reach, not out of reach or easily in reach!

There is yet another problem. Some people are just stubborn to alter their expectations. So why are many resistant to change? Because we were all along unchanged. We were all along in this unshaken comfort zone of ours, only expecting everything to be going on the way we want. We have been untouched, left undisturbed, and have developed immense inertia for change. We havent experience change, and cant really conceive change. That is why we are still deep rooted in our abyss of misery, allowing the uncontrolled roller coaster of emotions to manipulate our lives, which i think is quite a sad thing. I dont mean to insult people with sensations, nor the least critisize people who are slightly over sensitive, but i mean people who are displaying unnecessary sentiments and tendencies as a result of tainted expectations.

So what relevance has it lent to my life? I have fine tuned my perspectives of "outings", meaning just any kind of gathering, class outing etc. Have u experience outings whereby all activities are well planned, i.e. movie, then lunch, then followed by another activity, all so well organised? It's definitely fulfilling in this instance. But have u also turned out for an outing when all goes unprepared, i.e. we meet for movie or sth for instance, but in the end some disappointment ensue, so what follows is just hanging around, talking, sitting down for hours chatting. What would a person with flambuoyant expectations feel? How would he respond? If u are so unused to it, i bet u would feel horrible and terribly unaccomplished. But if u were composed enough to rein control of your emotions, take a step back, and question the purpose of outings, you would probably remind yourself that it isnt the materialistic comfort that underpins any great outing, spiritual fulfilment does depict the true value too. Of course this depends on the expectations and perspectives of your other mates involved in the gathering too, thats why i mentioned above that we should not only benchmark against ourselves.

I'm glad that i have friends who are just contented with having friends just like myself, enjoying what people may define as "shabby" outings in an ungrudging manner. U wont know it unless such outings occur, for what u have been used to are extravagant, or maybe at least a decently planned scheduled outing. This episode initiated a change in my expectations.

"It is when we contend with ridiculously simple engagement with a bunch of people where seeds of friendship are sown, and not in the eventful facade of indulgement"

If u can sit still with a friend for a few hours chatting and leave as happy as u once were, and dont mind doing so, that probably epitomises one of the many valuable aspects of friendship.

A Last Post For 2006

I know this might appear last minute. But nevertheless i shall continue as i am racing against time. Caroling for this year was fun but exhausting, greatly attributed to my slip disc. But i shall not dampen everyone's mood by rambling on to that.

My Carol Schedule this year:

2 Dec - VC @ SAFRA Mt Faber

12-13 Dec - VJ @ Marina Square

15 Dec - VC @ Biopolis

17 Dec - VJ @ The Pines

21 Dec - VC @ Toh Chai Concert

22 Dec - VJ @ Ritz Carlton

23 Dec - VC @ Hyatt

25 Dec - VJ @ Raffles

Really enjoyed the singing alot. I was allowed to conduct a few sessions in total, and i must really thank debbie and martin for giving me the chance. Its the simplicity and joy in conducting, not so much how well i conducted. okays.. so much for illustrating memories. Let some pictures do the talking. The picture on the left is self explanatory, and on the right is a year 3 photo, i.e. recent photo at Raffles after the reunion session on 25 th. Oh thanks for the pics gabriel!

Happy New Year To One And All! :) Year 2007 is so wonderful, its my ORD :)

4th Nov. 308 days left. Its ticking...

The Power Of Imagination

More often that not when in our own personal imagination, we dream of something wonderful. We dream of achieving freedom, wealth, and other paradise-like goals. But many of us are often stuck in this reality. While we are indulging in our fantasizing, we fail to realise that by doing so, we are not the least helping ourselves to inch towards these coveted dreams. Why? Because no practical thinking was done, what we did were the intangibles. A couple of people live in this category, i.e. self-delusion, and to a little extent, self-deceit. They are usually under-achievers.

But yet there is yet another group of people who occasionally fantasize about their ideal aspirations, but what sets them apart is that in their fantasies, they inserted a small segment, which is a link back to the present. In what they are dreaming, they remind themselves that they are working towards this goal, and constantly offer themselves encouragement through such imaginative aid. This bunch of people are wiser and more likely to succeed.

Then there is this small group of people who are very pragmatic and conservative. i would say they wouldn't have too ambitious dreams. They might have idyllic goals, but definitely something within their reach. These people seldom waste time indulging in the nobility of their goals, they get down into serious work, inching slowly, yet ever so steadily towards their destination. This people would also succeed, but not in a very ground-breaking, impressive manner.

I guess all of us somewhat belong into one of these categories. There is never a distinct boundary btw these 3 traits. It is a graded measurement. We may have shades here and there. But ultimately, we should all aim towards the second one, imaginative aid.

"Harnessing The Mental Perk Provided by Our Imaginations To Empower Our Physical Actions"

An Enchanting Year of Unknown Freedom

Well, though the year hasn't really ended, i thought i should just make a review early. This post is inspired by the post on simin's blog, where i commented on my all year round army life.. bleah..

Year of 2006: An Enchanting Year of Unknown Freedom. Why unknown? Army i would say. Neither did i know what life in NS would be, what would i face, and how would i cope. But all these uncertainty had ceased as i progressed towards the fourth quarter of the year. Now the condition has stabilised. But for the benefit of the majority of the months in this year, the Unknown shall remain :)

Probably some philosophy before i go on? How does one feel when one sails in unchartered waters, tread on unknown grounds? How confident are we facing the vicissitudes of life when we ourselves arent exactly sure what will emerge? Have you ever felt that the future isnt in your grip? Well, thats what i felt when i just enlisted in Jan. No thoughts about the gruelling 2 years and the impatience to ORD right in the beginning of the year, partly due to the fact that it was not pleasant knowing it? So i just felt my life was to be dictated. To be instructed, and i fear to say the least, be governed. BMT gave me a new dimension to life, i mean through the inception of Army life. No comments abt the intrigues of it, but yeah a significant alteration of my lifestyle and habits. So it was a forced change then. "Things are always sweeter in retrospect" (really?) So i would say, a welcome change. Tough training it was, especially in Ninja coy, but nevertheless one great soldier :)

That took away almost a quarter of my year, with CNY segmenting my BMT. I went to sispec bslc. Another change. Ok lets not talk abt the army aspect. My life changed too... It was a different form of training, a more specialised training. More respect. And i begun to accept the tougher training over time. 12 weeks i spent there. But however, it was in sispec where i injured my back, slipping the disc. In medical terms, Prolapsed Intevertebral Disc (PID), Lumbar disc herniation or whatever other terms. Well, told ya the army aspect of it was different. Training in sispec was different in nature as compared to BMT. My new found endurance through BMT was immediately and yet cruelly put to test in sispec, i triumph, but paid a heavy price. So that was all i had of sispec, in brevity.

Then i proceeded to Signal Institute for my 2nd part of 3SG course. Course started in June. Yet another totally different experience there. Knowledge intensive i would say. We learnt alot on signal communications and yup it reminded me much about physics. Imagine learning dc and ac currents all over again? Thats my first lecture. I reported my prolonged condtition of sciatica (sharp pain radiating from the butt all the way through the back of my thighs to ankle) to the MO, where he was quick to refer me to Alexandra Hospital. I took a X-ray, and subsequently MRI. Diagnosis confirmed slipdisc at L4L5 and L5S1. Ah, the news was so shattering. But gradually i lived with it. My course ended in 16 of Aug, and i was posted to 2 sig bn.

Stay was about 1.5 months. A great comaraderie there. An active unit. Caring individuals, especially the PC, OC, PS, CSM. They were always there to help when i needed. At this point of time i am writing this post they have just returned from an overseas exercise in Australia. Although my stint there in 2 sig bn was short, it was definitely enriching. The timeline now stays at Oct.

I was posted to OSC, my present camp. CAnt tell u much on this camp and what i do, but its a different role that i play here. I'm a project clerk. This environment brought me closer to the sch environment and definitely a civilian life. It'll be a permanent camp which i will remain in till i ORD Nov 2007. I am looking forward to make my journey here a pleasant, and hopefully memorable one.

So, enchanting? It seemed that everything i mentioned was abt army? i scrolled up upon finishing the above paragraph and was shocked myself. Well, actually, sadly, and unfortunately, that is my life. no, that was my life. I am looking for a change in lifestyle and a shift in focus. And i'm glad it has been changing. I hope exactly one year later when i write the yearly review it would never be about army again.

So, next year's title: An enchanting year of unadulterated inner freedom! :)

PS: To all my dearest friends, Life Is A Gift. If you are not enjoying it, there is something wrong. Do not take it offensively. I know some of you may be hard up in the army or uni now. But if u would be patient in allowing me to continue, it might help you.

Either u are not looking it through the right way, or that u are not doing the right thing. The difference btw right and wrong, happy and sad, is just our perception. It is artificial, it is superficial. We must never let them rein in the rationale functionings of our daily lives. We must never let it influence our tangible contributions, our physical expression, and our predisposition.

创富特训 - 艾莫主讲

参加了这次的创富特训使我受益良多. 在财务界的种种领悟当中，我更会正确地料理财务，对待金钱及使用金钱. 它是一个规划的概念，是一个智慧的投资，一个在你正确管理收支差额后产生源源不断的财富循环的一种方法. 艾莫老师是一个著名的国际讲师, 在互动成功学方面非常特出. 他是我生命中的导师, 是我门一生中的卓越楷模.

身在曹营心在汉 - A Drifting Mind

Hong Kong, Guang Zhou Recuperative Trip (3 Nov 06 to 7 Nov 06)

Itenary At A Glance:

3 Nov 06
Ø Flight at 0800 hrs, Changi International Airport.
Ø Arrived at HK International Airport, Cleared Customs around 1200 hrs.
Ø Went for lunch near Jordon, Kowloon.
Ø Proceed for treatment at 王世民医生’s place at Wan Chai at 1500 hrs
Ø Went to QL’s office for a while
Ø Proceed to 白云大厦to settle baggage and accommodation
Ø Met QL at 1900 hrs for shopping.
Ø Back to hotel

4 Nov 06
Ø Left 白云大厦 at 0950 hrs.
Ø Went for 2nd treatment at王世民医生’s place at 1030 hrs.
Ø Went to 红勘 railway station on board train at 1325 hrs.
Ø Arrived at 广州东站 at 1515 hrs, passing by 东莞.
Ø Checked into our hotel, 日航酒店, accompanied by QL and another friend.
Ø Chatted at the Hotel’s Restaurant till 1800 hrs
Ø Buffet dinner at Hotel Landmark Canton
Ø Back to hotel.
Ø Watched a DVD entitled “我爱你”

5 Nov 06
Ø Reveille 0800 hrs
Ø Breakfast at Hotel’s Garden restaurant, 17th storey
Ø Took a cab to fetch QL
Ø Proceed to 良师父’s house at 跑马地.
Ø Chatted and lunched at his place.
Ø Treatment
Ø Left at 1410 hours, proceed to 天河广场 to shop
Ø Left at approximately 1600 hrs towards 北京路 for shopping
Ø Dinner at 福如菜馆.
Ø Went down to 珠江 for a cruise, lasting from 2030 hrs to 2200 hrs.
Ø Back to hotel.

6 Nov 06
Ø Reveille 0900 hrs.
Ø Went to红勘 railway station for breakfast, and to purchase tickets.
Ø Proceed to 良师父’s house at 跑马地.
Ø Chatted and lunched at his place
Ø Treatment
Ø Left at around 1400 hrs towards北京路 for another round of shopping.
Ø Dinner at “真功夫” restaurant at 1830 hrs
Ø Back to hotel 1930 hrs
Ø Watched a DVD entitled “A 计划”.

7 Nov 06
Ø Reveille 0630 hrs, Morning Call.
Ø Breakfast at Hotel’s Garden Restaurant at 17th storey.
Ø Proceed to 良师父’s house at 跑马地 at 0820 hrs
Ø Proceed to广州东站 at 0945 hrs, accompanied by良师父 and wife.
Ø Board the train to红勘 railway station, passing by 深圳 (1055 hrs to 1245 hrs)
Ø Board bus A21 from 红勘 railway station to HK International Airport.
Ø Checked in at 1500 hrs, consumed lunch at Burger King.
Ø Board Flight CX 711 at 1535 hrs. Flight departed 1625 hrs.
Ø Arrived at Changi International Airport at 1955.
Ø Back home 2030 hrs.

Journal:

It was indeed a welcome change for me when I touched down HK. The feeling is just different. When I reached Kowloon, I was taken aback by the hectic, fast paced lifestyle that the locals lived. Streets, roads, alleys were all bustling with activity. Very urbanized, but not losing its traditional local flavour and atmosphere. Rural-Urban integration I guess. As with Singapore, skyscrapers are ubiquitous. The standard of living is very high, much higher than Singapore I would say. Most citizens live in one to 2 room flats, which you may think is very unfortunate. An absolute misconception. Those flats aren’t cheap either. They can cost up to 200k to300k! Equivalent to our 5 room flats! Now about the streets. Colourful neon lights enliven the streets aisle. Shops, restaurants selling a myriad of necessities spring up on both sides of the streets, attracting business. Its really so happening down HK that one would really be missing out a lot in practically a few hours. That was the vivid impression I had on my first visit first day in HK. The phrase “马路如虎口” comes alive in China generally. Cars there have equal rights as pedestrians. There is no such thing as pedestrians have the way. When u cross a road, u’d better look and see carefully. However, if u are the conservative type and always act so cautiously,i.e. you would ensure that a vehicle is at a comfortable distance away before you cross, I can politely tell u that u would not be able to make it to the other side of the road. You have to literally FIGHT for the chance to have the right of way. Drivers there aren’t that courteous to u. Even though there was a red light, I remembered vividly that a motorcyclist sped so close to me, as if reluctant to halt. I had thought he had lost control of his bike. I took a forward leap! Whew.. Can imagine what happened if I stroll? Probably I wouldn’t be writing here….

Food there is cheap, and irresistible. I’d patronized the 云吞面 stall as introduced by my dad’s friend, QL. Wow, not to boast, but its really distinct and mouthwatering. Especially the side dishes like the green leafy 菜心 which are so munchy sweet. You would never ever taste it in Singapore. It is due to the climate over there such that the vegetables grown taste sweet. Customers filled the small little eating house, always reaching saturated equilibrium. There is an unending flow of customers. Waitresses streaming customers in and out, clearing dishes at lightning speeds with their dexterous hands. There isn’t the luxury of enjoying a table all by your self. All customers are mingled together. That’s how popular it is. Well there are other eateries also like the 澳洲牛奶公司 which enjoy the same popularity. The Fish Porridge I’ve eaten at one of the stalls is renowned over 40 odd years with unfaltering reputation. That was also a gratifying experience. Overall, the food there is simply luscious and tempting. Simply heavenly.

Shopping. I’ve been to Jordon, Mong Kok to shop in Hong Kong. It was also another eye catching experience. The term “Shopping Paradise” is an understatement man. Its just divine! One whole long street all selling handphones, cameras, ipods, mp3, mp4s and what nots! You can call it a digital empire. Really cheap as compared to other places! In Guangzhou, I shopped at 天河广场 and 北京路. Also equally superb in its variety and quantity. I would say clothes in Guangzhou are slightly cheaper than in HK. Well, its really very different shopping here in China. There is never an end. You can spend 3 full days walking continuosly and still find more shops to come. 天河广场 alone can keep you preoccupied for one whole day. It’s a very organized gigantic shopping mall. Different levels are for different stuff. So u don’t really have to walk too far away to check on different prices. Business thrive on competition. So u would really have to exercise some prudent bargaining and comparison. But that’s what customers desire for, not? Cheap quality goods. Abundance in store at HK GZ man!

High Standard of Living. Why do I say it? Lets just compare the life of a taxi driver in HK as compared to Singapore. In Singapore, taxi drivers would have to pay for daily rentals and fuel prices. In HK, taxi drivers have to purchase their own taxis. And mind u, they cost a bomb! 3.67 million HK Dollars (700plus thousand SGD) for one taxi! If u had that amount of money in Singapore, how many houses can u get? And yet locals in HK decide to work as a taxi driver and pay back slowly in a decade or two by installments. We see it as a huge risk and liability, but they recognize it as a fact of life. A matter of making a living. How can we compare? Even their flats cost much more than ours! The amount they earn is probably much more in terms of magnitude because their currency is smaller, but think about it, the cost of their goods are also much larger in magnitudes. It is really a hard life there.

Just some hard facts:
In Singapore, taxi charges S$2.50 per ride as initial charge, rising S$0.10 every succession
In Hong King, taxi charges 15 HK Dollars (~3 SGD) per ride as initial charge, rising 1.4 HK Dollars (~0.28 SGD) per succession
In Guangzhou, taxi charges 7 RMB (~1.4 SGD) per ride as initial charge, rising 1 RMB (~0.20 SGD) per succession.

And of course! Treatment. That’s the main reason for my departure to HK and GZ.
To seek treatment for my Prolapsed Intervertebral Discs (PID). At HK, treatment at王世民医生’s place was quite ok I would say. Little improvement. Same at GZ at 良师父’s place. I understand that its not a day or two that I can completely exterminate this annoying injury I sustained over a period of time, so it also warrants a significant healing period. 良师父 has prescribed me medication and instructed me to practice some qigong everyday. I will try my best to follow his orders. Optimism is the most powerful weapon one ought to possess. I guess I must be ready to excel in this psychological warfare. I must never give up. Nil Sine Labore.

This trip has really broadened my realization of the world. There are many things we cannot afford to take for granted. There are a lot of commitments which we ought to devote wholeheartedly. There are much more for us to appreciate. In diversity there is truthful realization of one’s aspirations. I’m not sure if I have gone too far off tangent, but if u do not understand just take it that I’m spouting greek.

I have a strange feeling now. I can’t be pulled back to reality. My body is in Singapore, but my soul is still in China. I didn’t feel foreign at all in HK and China. It was just home to me. But coming back to Singapore, its as if I had a dream, a sweet dream. I hate being awoken.

I want to go home. Can someone tell me where is it?

Teaching < Learning ? Depends on what u teach

It ain't easy for anyone to impart a certain field of knowledge to any other peers around him. Not to mention their mastery. I've realised that to cultivate a good student, it is paramount to bequeath a comprehensive mechanism to him, one which enables him to translate facts to logic, formulae to explanation and most importantly, allows him to retain all these self discovered links. What the student gains eventually is a skill-- the way to fish for the fish. Essentially, these skills are what teachers should strive to impart. Using facts(fish) as an apt illustration of these derivative techniques(how to fish) should be the proper way, instead of using the techniques to sink facts into students. To distant ourselves from rote learning is to acknowledge a shift in focus from the fact to the skill. It is a promotion of our educational standards. Teach less learn more would only be possible under such parameters. In addition it is only through such avenue that knowledge is internalised, accrued and organised into valuable assets of market value.

Life as it Always will be

"When the going gets tough, the tough gets going."

This in itself doesn't symbolises strength, for how many people can really move on? The depressing circumstances we are in already dampened whatever ounce of motivation and courage. For one primary reason, it is because we have clearly lost our definition of failure. We have been confused by our own intangibles--emotions. Failure always packages itself in a somewhat menacing way, thrashing u all the way to the rock bottom, will just giving u a rope to slowly thrust your way up. How slow and tormentous can the process be if we were to relish the every painful moment of failure? It would seem eternity before we really transform into positive and motivated individuals on our way back to accomplishment.

I came across this very useful series of CDs from a professional business consultant. His name is 艾莫. From china. He was a doctor, but later reverted to consultant. He read through a myriad of books on success, and at a young age of 20 plus, he published renowned books. His dogged determination on success inspires the weak mind and enlightens a befuddled individual in a complex world. My point on this is that we all need some form of motivation and guidance. Admittedly, most of us wouldn't have the correct idea as to how we should really go on with life from here. Often embattled by the reality of our doings, many often cite a reason of excuse, and not propose a way ahead. Easier said than done. That is without a doubt. If not i wouldn't be writing this here too. Find your own source of inspiration. Look at the world around u. Look for somthing worthy to strive for. Or just look at ur parents for example. Sometimes when u are just all down, it works if u calm urself down and take a peek at how many people have put in effort to make your life so meaningful for the past years. U r sad now. U are feeling down. Do we really bear to remain like that? We are shaping the world we live in. And definitely the comfort of our peers, family and everyone around us. We cant afford to be too self centred to let our emotions dictate our doings. Indeed, we must be considerate. A life without any semblance of hope and happiness is as good as one without a sense of orientation and responsibility. A person without hopes and aspiration is as good as dead. I in particular like what was mentioned by 艾莫 on aspiration:

有些人在二十岁就已经死了,只不过在八十岁才埋葬

A school is as good as its students. We are just as good as our hopes and aspirations. We cant afford to let ourselves down. Because if we do that, many people around us will be affected. U wont know how many people really look upon u as their pillar of support until u are not physically around. U wont know how many people cherish your presence and appreciate your doings. You wont ever know how your indifference to life would cast dark clouds over the life of others. You cant afford to let yourself fail. Success is a responsility, self admitted failure is a disgrace.

成功是一种责任, 失败是不道德的

In many things we do, we only have that valuable one choice. If we ever lost our chance at it, it would probably be left to regret it. Many of us are reluctant to leave our comfort zone for fear of known unknowns, and certainly unknown unknowns. But, if our aims warrant a need to do so, we must be brave to step out. We must relegate our fear to the secondary tier. We must not be stuck with our past failures. We must not be overwhelmed by emotions. We must not be paranoid of our future.

障碍的亮相往往是机会的诞生，也是即将进步的象征

Success only comes for those who prepared and are ready for it. It is just a continuation of hardwork and undeviated focus on our targets. It is the fruits of our labour.And we must not be afraid of what we are going to achieve. Life is short and we can never get a second chance.Whats done is done. U can never hurt someone and say sorry, expecting him to forget it. Its a totally different matter. History is never catered for rewinds or backtracks. And so u should never allow yourself to.

人生没有彩排的机会, 每一天我们都要以正确上场姿态办好它

May we all remember this. If anyone wants to hear the CDs, feel free to borrow from me.

Cheers.

A changing life

Its been quite a long time since i've blogged... hah as noted by gel too :P OH! and she was the first person to tag! I'm so surprised and elated. haha.. ppl would actually think i'm nuts... so happy over a tagger... lol.. but since like 1yr plus no one yea... so u can understand why now? lol..

Changed? yea my life now is. cant really do much exercise, except those simple monotonous gym exercises that are supposed to train my back muscles. i am saddened to an extent about my privilege to enjoy sports, but nevertheless trying to make up with other stuff i do now.

Life is always full of surprises; pleasant and also unpleasant ones. Unpleasant ones are challenges, while pleasant ones are greater challenges. Unpleasant experiences only signify a transient state of life, where in the hope of humans having a great determination, would be able to surmount these obstacles imposed onto their lives. I believe my condition is also nothing disimilar. Here with my faith to overcome my health problem, i will not let pessimism influence my life in any realm.

A non-ideal sacrifice

Some say health is golden. others say health is wealth. health is youth. Health is everything. In all these circumstances, i just lost everything. To my utmost dismay, the gradual lower back pain and numbness along the back of my leg had turned out to be slipdisc, which back then was totally alien to me. Neither was i knowledgeable enough to discern a possible health issue back then, often attributing it to back pain, muscle fatigue, or other various reasons. Negligience was fatal. It was only 2 months ago when i startd to report sick. The MO made an appointment with an orthopaedic specialist which was a month away. Then i was scheduled for an MRI scan. Then the trauma. 2 layers of slipdisc at L4 L5 and L5 S1. Totally disparaging. I couldnt really recall any traumatic incident that led to my slipdisc, but i thought it was something that accumulated over a period of time. Over exertion? I would think so.

Not that its a terminal illness or some debilitating disease that will paralyse me or keep me bedridden, but serious enough to impact my life. Its non curable actually. Operations aren't 100% successful, and physiotherapies only ameliorate the situation and doesnt guarantee a complete removal of pain. Movements now are somewhat uncomfortable at certain angles. Prolong standing hurts. even certain postures are unpalatable. Thats the fact of my life now. I have often blamed this on NS and its rigorous activites that inadvertently took its toll on me. Sometimes, being too garang, often pushing urself to ur limits, enduring, telling yourself that our minds are stronger than our bodies, aint panacea to survive in tough trainings. Mental endurance must not compromise delicate body conditions. There is a limit that the body can take. And the limit was unknown to me at that period of time. That was exactly the cause of this mishap. As much as i am saddened by my sudden immobility due to my slipdisc, i realised that i couldnt change much of this fact. The only thing now that i could change was being more positive, taking more care of my lower back. Yea it has been a non ideal sacrifice, but i should not sacrifice any more. That's what i think should be the way i must move on.

Maybe not so "NSish"

A change for now. After a hibernation period, i've decided to emerge from my NS shell, and not mumble anything abt army. Yea, i am going thru NS now, but its not gonna be the main show of my life. Probably because i am in signals now, but there must be something larger than army life. i.e. life itself. Ok so much crap to start with, in simple terms it means no more NS episodes, just my life now...

Satisfaction. Lets talk about it. have anyone ever felt long term satisfaction before? or is satisfaction always temporary? I believe that both sensations exists and there are really very different from each other. Long term satisfaction is the less commonly prevalent one, as satisfaction derived is often wiped off almost after a short period of time when our life goes on, and we pay attention to other details in life. Consider a graduate getting a well paid job just after his studies. U ask him, are u happy/satisfied? Definitely he will say yes. Try asking him after 2-3 yrs if he's still working there. Are u happy? Probably he'll say no because he has just got a tiff with his supervisor. That was what i meant. I'm not referring to just the day itself, probably u might say he got a bad hair day, or whatsoever. If u asked him about his stay in the company as of the 2 yrs, he might even give u a negative response. Yep, so satisfaction nv stays for long. As long as the environment changes, ur feelings for the external will change, and there goes ur satisfaction. Less satisfied.
So how about long term satisfaction? can it ever be achieved? since environment changes all the time? The answer is yes. Satisfaction is an emotion, it is something intangible. Something very delicate, something internal. It is subjective to change if uncontrolled or uncared for. Its something innate which u have to carefully attend to. Just like a carefully preserved artifact in a museum or a crucial experiment in a uncontaminated environment. What i am driving to is that, u have to identify with some kind of principle. Why are u satisfied? because u got a job? or becauseu are happy u've got something to do. Its the fundamental thinking and perception of life that determines whether u derive short term or long term satisfaction. U may be those that are just glad to have found a job. Ur expectation may be just to stay employed. Then u feel permanently satisfied as long as u dont get retrenched. However, one shld not mix this with low expectations. Low expectations is a sign of retreat and cowardice. It causes stagnation and makes u permanently satisfiend but also permanently unfulfilled in life. Some people just wish to live an auxerre life. Simplicity is their core value. But that cannot be matched to having a low expectation. That is their desire, their preferrence.
The main gist of assuming a fundamentaly thinking is to align our innate emotions with reality situations. It has nothing to do with expectation/aims, its just an inner state of the mind which allows us to feel the sense of satisfaction. That is exactly the only way to sustain our sense of satisfaction: to manipulate our inner perception, not lowering ourexpectations!

Well, maybe u did understand, or rather u understood partially, or there may be a chance u didnt even managed to read this sentence at all. but anyways, i think many of us are sad or dissatisfied with our lives just for this unnoticeable but yet important reason. So learn to be happy? Yea, we have to literally "learn"!