Sound fast yeah? Just sounded like i had a bad experience or sth... In fact u could say it was an unexpected outcome positively taken. Actually our lives are always full of "oh yars" and "i got it", or even subtle indications for changes. There is a triggering event for these responses, albeit they may be both pleasant and unpleasant ones. But its ok, it isnt always sundays, and things naturally do not always proceed as planned .We need to embrace surprises, be prepared for adaptations towards changes. Natural selection - survival of the fittest.
I've came to conclude that what essentially governs our emotions are our expectations. Generally, the greater the dissimilarity in what we hope to achieve and what we have, the more agitated and unstable our emotions are. By quelling any upsurge of emotions isnt the remedy for such misguided problem. By altering our expections, we would slowly initiate the rehabilitative process, but i would like to underscore the fact that altering doesnt mean lowering. Varying would be better i shld say. Learning to seek solace in subjects which we try to derive greater meaning in life, not purely as a respite from the reality.
So what is expectation then? To me, i define it as the extent of acknowledgement of our self worth. And to measure the extent, we have an inner benchmark. This benchmark must never be only compared against yourself, for although many ppl would like to say that by triumphing ourself its sufficient, i would say what if u think u are good, but in fact u are like the last in this world, wouldn't ur ego plunge to the bottom at the very next instant. So lets get realistic, we do need to weigh ourselves against something. But what is that something? Thats where it is crucial. You grade yourself against that something which must be conceivable, achievable, and most of all, somthing which u gradually acquired confidence in it. By setting this benchmark, i am definitely precluding any arguments for setting easy expectations. Of course if u are one which is highly pacified, it just means that u've set a wrong comparison. To yourself its right, but for your own good it may not be that correct. We must always expect a persevering process in order to achieve our expectations, so do take this as a guide when u set expectations. In summary, it must be an expectation within reach, not out of reach or easily in reach!
There is yet another problem. Some people are just stubborn to alter their expectations. So why are many resistant to change? Because we were all along unchanged. We were all along in this unshaken comfort zone of ours, only expecting everything to be going on the way we want. We have been untouched, left undisturbed, and have developed immense inertia for change. We havent experience change, and cant really conceive change. That is why we are still deep rooted in our abyss of misery, allowing the uncontrolled roller coaster of emotions to manipulate our lives, which i think is quite a sad thing. I dont mean to insult people with sensations, nor the least critisize people who are slightly over sensitive, but i mean people who are displaying unnecessary sentiments and tendencies as a result of tainted expectations.
So what relevance has it lent to my life? I have fine tuned my perspectives of "outings", meaning just any kind of gathering, class outing etc. Have u experience outings whereby all activities are well planned, i.e. movie, then lunch, then followed by another activity, all so well organised? It's definitely fulfilling in this instance. But have u also turned out for an outing when all goes unprepared, i.e. we meet for movie or sth for instance, but in the end some disappointment ensue, so what follows is just hanging around, talking, sitting down for hours chatting. What would a person with flambuoyant expectations feel? How would he respond? If u are so unused to it, i bet u would feel horrible and terribly unaccomplished. But if u were composed enough to rein control of your emotions, take a step back, and question the purpose of outings, you would probably remind yourself that it isnt the materialistic comfort that underpins any great outing, spiritual fulfilment does depict the true value too. Of course this depends on the expectations and perspectives of your other mates involved in the gathering too, thats why i mentioned above that we should not only benchmark against ourselves.
I'm glad that i have friends who are just contented with having friends just like myself, enjoying what people may define as "shabby" outings in an ungrudging manner. U wont know it unless such outings occur, for what u have been used to are extravagant, or maybe at least a decently planned scheduled outing. This episode initiated a change in my expectations.
"It is when we contend with ridiculously simple engagement with a bunch of people where seeds of friendship are sown, and not in the eventful facade of indulgement"
If u can sit still with a friend for a few hours chatting and leave as happy as u once were, and dont mind doing so, that probably epitomises one of the many valuable aspects of friendship.
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