The first half of 2011 spent on student exchange in Ireland has come to a glamorous end. It has been a period of living in a ‘retreat’ mode, with minimum academic commitments and a lot more free time on my own. It also served as an apt platform for reflective insight into the past few years of my life, or I should accurately say, the 2 decades of my life, stuck in the ‘rat race’ of life. You might ask, why ‘rat race’ when I ain’t exactly working yet. Years and years of rigidly sticking to the education system has nevertheless groomed me to be a literate individual, but has also to a large extent created a large void in me. A void in the purpose of life, one of living life to its fullest. There hasn’t been any pit-stop for me to compose my thoughts and do what I like, and in so doing, discover who I truly am. These 6 months allowed me to do an analysis of my life.
First and foremost, I have compared and contrasted the totally different lifestyles I lived in Singapore and Ireland. One which was fast and hectic without any time to spare for downtime, as compared to one that had minimal stress and more than enough time for me to indulge in some soul searching. The peace of mind and tranquility in Ireland was something that I had, and I would love to continue possessing. Lets now face the reality of Singapore life with the myriad of commitments. As I contemplate on how I can reconcile the avalanche of pressures with a tranquil mind, I soon discover that what I really needed was a ‘brake’, not a ‘break’. To slow things down, but not to stop things. Some commitments have to be cast aside, thrown away, and pushed to lower priority, simply because time is limited. To enjoy a high quality of life, I belief in not trying to finish everything on the plate, but savouring whatever it is we choose to eat. In other words, I have to start selecting things I want to do, and ignore some of my over-demanding self expectations. And it will not be easy to surmount this internal self that has been exerting subconscious influence on my thinking. Time will be the only judge for this, but I am pretty confident that this exchange has made me more aware of instituting a ‘brake’ mechanism in my life – to not go into an unceasing overdrive and undermining the very purpose of my daily undertakings.
Secondly, I’ve pondered quite hard on this topic of friendship. If you meet a person, are you necessary a friend? What does a ‘friend’ mean to me? I believe, someone who believes and commits his time to help you grow is a friend. Someone who engages more than superficial communication, materialistic interests and casual outings. Someone who has the courage to point out your mistakes and yet retain a sense of humility. Yet in my life, these friends are few and far between. I have been for some times conceptualizing the formation of a peer support group surrounding one’s life. It will be a closely knitted group with the primary role of enhancing self-actualisation of the individual in a nutshell. Getting together to share about life, the lessons learnt, the everyday occurrences, and the goals and desires. Channeling together the resources of a group to boost the performance of an individual, for e.g. providing emotional support, lending a listening ear, or dispensing advice. Knowing that we have access to communal help and especially close social comrades instills resilience in us and contribute to a positive well-being. But of course, the fundamental criteria behind this type of relationship is unconditional acceptance and positive regard for who the individual is.
Thirdly, I would like to touch on the topic of habituation once again. Having traveled for more than 30 days in total, covering 10 countries and 20 cities, I’ve been quite sick of traveling to be honest. Backpacking, budgeting and city hopping were essentially the cornerstones of my experiences in Europe. I have that sense of dread when I visit another city yet again, taking the tourist map and starting to find the way to the hostel and mark out attractions to visit. This knee-jerking reaction perhaps arose out of habituation to the thrill of exploring a new city. It seems no longer novel to me looking at architecture of buildings, historical build ups of cities, and the urban landscape of Europe. While habituation is good at times so that it does not lead to constant stimulation to a non-changing environment, we have to train our brain to acknowledge the differences among the similarities so that we can better appreciate them and not take them for granted. This episode of traveling is a classic example of how we can habituate to something essentially so pleasurable that the utility we derive from it diminishes to a negative.
Indeed, the greatest enemy of all is still oneself. We all have the power to enact changes if we want to and put our heart to it, but it is so often overbearing. I belief the greatest gift one can give to himself is an awareness of his or her thinking and emotions, and the ability for self regulation and mediation. This exchange has placed me into an environment that catapults me into instantaneous change – I learnt how to cook for myself, take care of myself, and organize my life. This process will lend itself as significant testimony to how I have the capability to take charge of my life. Something I would like to remind myself – that change always first entails a shift out of the comfort zone. It requires persistent determination till the very end, with the greatest reward lying in the process and not so much the end state. The first step is always the hardest, but the most crucial. Starting on the right footing makes the change process much easier. We have to create a upward spiral – a virtuous cycle that propels us towards the desired change.
On the issue of money – most people, including myself, will find it puzzling that I manage to scrimp and save when I am in Europe, but when it comes to being in Singapore, the spending mentality and pattern seems to be rather different. While it is true that the strength of the euro currency and limited resources I am given (from allowance) governs the bulk of my spending habits, it does not explain why I spend more in Singapore having a restricted allowance also. Certainly the answer may be intuitive to you – food and friends. I spend more on eating out, recreation with friends, leisure activities etc. Things that I will not be willing to spend in a foreign country not because I do not have friends to go out with, but because it is ‘not worth’ to spend when you compare it to sg. Maybe it is not feasible (not time-worthy) to cook all meals. Neither would you want to be seen as anti-social by always cooking. But now I view it from a different perspective – that all these are mere excuses. I can always spend more euros overseas if the social event is worth attending, and similarly I can cook more meals and save some money at the expense of being labeled anti-social. We have to listen to ourselves. Again, we are the captains of our life – if there are tradeoffs we have to make so that the ship doesn’t sink, we should make tough decisions.
My INSTEP experience has provided me with a fruitful developmental experience away from where I have been living for the past 20 years. As much as the vivid memories remain etched at the back of my mind, it will be my duty to harness these collective insights to advance the next mile of my life.
As for now, it is time to put these realizations into practice.
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