答案？

A pretty long time before i last blogged. Now its CNY in the blink of an eye. Reminiscing the last two CNY i had, in 2006 it was the week before field camp, in 2007 i was still under the grip of NS duties. Now i am rather free, or u would say unbounded by any obligations to anyone. My life is entirely in my own hands. In my quest to fulfil certain goals at this stage, i've embarked on operation top secret, and of course some RT as well. But i must say that both have not yielded significant success so far. There are many challenges as well as avenues for expressions, but what i feel i sorely lack is the initiative, courage and forthcoming attitude to impose myself. I'm not trying to pick out faults in me, but just viewing it as probably an overfunctioned strength as what i pointed out in earlier posts. We all need to improve, and that is something which needs some finetuning. Sometimes i just feel that i'm engulfed by an avalanche of thoughts that are dichotomous, like a raging debate enacting in me almost unceasingly, obscuring my clear thinking, but most fatal of all, delaying response time and stunting spontaneity. No one is perfect, everyone behaves differently, and certainly we all have the capability to mould our character and predisposition through subsequent learning and conditionings. I think the most important gift of life that a person cannot loses is his self-esteem. It provides the basis for self-recognition, acceptance and towards a positive perception of our environment. Being the building block of our emotions, any dent or scratch is largely felt. Scars and wounds heal ever so slowly, leaving immeasurable chronic afflictions on our well-being. To let go is one thing, to forget is another. Sometimes its just like a birthmark, which cannot be erased. So move on? Yes, find other meanings in life. Just like piecing a jigsaw puzzle. Find another piece, focus on other details, and recreate ourselves. Redefine our existence.

One question which i always ask myself, in a somewhat critical way: Will you respond to something which yields no echo? Answer calls where there is no caller (or maybe just very faint replies probably) at the other end?

This question can be intepreted in many ways. To some, in the most direct, literal and no-brainer way, it is an obvious no. Come on, it makes sense to put down the phone when u said hello for the umpteen time and no sound is heard. It is preposterous to continue talking, or behaving like an enthusiastic individual to a seemingly "inanimate" party unless u are a lunatic. That's it. But if u dwell deeper into the depths of my question, it might give u a headache. Life is at crossroads. All the time. Just like what is captured on the header of my blog. Every move we take each step has a significance, and contributes directly or indirectly, to the world before us, and determine to an extent, be it infinitesimal or colossal, to the prospects and possibilities of our future. Ok, let it not sound so bombastic and hard to comprehend. In short, many say live in the present. Cherish the present. Seize the moment. Ok, whatever. Back to the question. When u cant imagine the outcome, or rather i should say if u are uncertain about something, will u advance in that direction based on a falsified imaginative prospect which u drafted in your mind (a dream people might say). Not saying that it is always a false hope, but humans are secure people, we desire for appreciation, certainty and affirmability.

Our thoughts play tricks on us. They can reward us, and can punish us. They can torture us. They can manipulate us. They can deceive us. Because we allowed it to. I have to admit we are all victims of our thoughts, especially when it comes to the negative effects that arise from it. In life we need a grip. Not just any ordinary grip, but this grip is intangible, and the source of this grip is the degree of our core acceptance. What can affect us, and what will not. What we choose to believe and what we choose not to. Ideas are everywhere, but what we choose to believe in is real. It's influence is overwhelming, into the nooks and crannies of our thoughts, especially evident in those reflexive, involuntary thoughts. Scary, arent they?

Ok i shall not damp the festive mood by posting such a philosophical entry. As much as i have problems, everyone has their problems. Lets find the other jigsaw pieces of our lives, lets play it a step at a time. Eventually, the puzzle will be formed. Life's greatest challenge is not the end product of the puzzle itself, but how we choose to piece the puzzle together. In the process lies everlasting joy and fulfilment. Its up to us.

Over and above, i would like to wish all a happy CNY!