People wander. Since young when we made our first cries to the world, we started to explore the world. They were to us all fresh and foreign. We wander around all the time. We were undeniably inquisitive. Curious about everything that went round. And we expressed ourselves just as straightforward as we could. There wasn't any holding back. Whatever we felt we needed, we clamored for it.
But as we grew up, influenced by our environment and our upbringing, we learnt about the word 'restraint'. By incessant conditioning (operant or classical), our actions and expressions become abit more systematic and predictable. Some habits start to form, consciously or unconsciously. I would like to say that some of the innocence and fundamental traits as a child were, unfortunately buried.
As we grow smarter and smarter, developed cognitively, we learnt to think for ourselves, and start to reflect about our behaviour. With a brain, we inevitably put it into good use - learning arithmetic, picking up linguistic skills, but at the same time our brain had a role to play in emotional regulation, information filtering, and interpretation. Our brain machinery start to become a factory in which there was a supervisor managing the operation process. Things that we wanted, we took it in. Things that were not so desirable, we would always know where to hide it, dispose it, change it, or process it. We start to develop our own fanciful operating mechanisms and processes such as 'masks', 'emotional veils' and 'defences' that would serve in our best interest and protect us from all sorts of stimuli facing us daily. This marks the start of being more complex as a human.
And this trend progresses on inexorably, with us acquiring more high level and sophisticated skills, such as rationalisation, internal dialogues, disguises, facades, etc. They all seem so natural to us somehow. We can pull it off easily, sometimes subconsciously. Sometimes we become very 'fake' to others, and words like 'superficial' start to pop up describing a person.
It makes me wonder and wander at the same time, that while these skills serve perhaps an evolutionary need, whether we become subservient to them too often that they work against us.
I wander.....
And when one wanders, the mind is set free at once.. not complying any form of premediated mechanisms of the machinery. It is free to think about every possible matter and possibility. Things that would normally escape your thoughts. There are no rules. Our aspirations, desires (even farfetched ones) come knocking on us. And sometimes it seems like a fairytale.. so unadulterated, so idealistic, and feels just like reality (and then you would tell yourself, I WISH). And reality hits at you. Its not real. Or at least you would have to work towards it to make it possible.
I feel that wandering is just like a dream. When u dream at night, they say it is due to matters u think about in the day or perhaps some unresolved issue u have in your mind. When you wander, sometimes your brain goes back to these issues, and help you to seek out solutions, just like an automated machinery. The only difference is of course, it is much more free, though one may argue that many of these thoughts still tread within certain mental boundaries (i.e. we may not be thinking out of the box). How many of us ever have that experience of the AHAH moment when we are just doing something routine for e.g. having a meal, shower, walking back home, etc and we suddenly made a connection or found a solution to our life matters?
The mind seems to be more productive when we are not actively thinking of those issues which we wish to solve! Wandering does have its benefits. But we have to fully utilise these times of wandering. We have to use it to encourage ourselves about the possibilities of our lives. We have to leverage on the platform to remind us that we are larger than life, that impossible is nothing. We have to bring ourselves close to experience the abundance in life, and fit our current situation in a broader context.
Well sometimes when we wander, we can't really control its direction. And we maybe treading on dangerous grounds. Overly contemplative moods and pessimistic ruminations may blow things out of their proportion, and especially negative thoughts. Downward spirals often occur, and sometimes we get plunged to the deep abyss. There are times where it happen to me. And surely, it doesnt feel good. It saps up all my energy, and leaves me in a destitute state.
So when i wander, all sorts of things can potentially happen. As much as my mind is now free, the chain of events that follow wandering may not set me free eventually. Should we really leave our minds to wander? Is it really worth the bet?
Some people will get more positive returns than the other. They are in general more optimistic and have a larger generalised positive affect (what we describe in psychology) for a tendency to feel more uplifted and upbeat about things.I know thats not to a large extent true in me. But i still love to wander about the positive things in life. About how things will turn out well. At least i try to force myself to think about it, just like many people consciously seek to shut themselves out from the unpleasant.
Always trying to apply the law of attraction, focusing on the positives and making it a reality. Sometimes i really wish life is not so complicated. Humans can express themselves freely, and say what they want to the other person's face. But we can't. And i know i face a big problem at this. I nonetheless experience a rich amount of emotions behind my seemingly composed and nonchalant appearance.
And so when i wander, things that don't get expressed start to fill up my thoughts like air filling its space in a balloon. I know why i wander now, because most of the time, these issues remain unresolved. But they take time. They challenge me to move out of my comfort zone, and push myself to my limits. I just have to be wary of the emotional traps that may be unleashed.
May 04, 2011
April 25, 2011
Habituation
Habituation exists as a biological adaptive response to repeated stimuli so as to attenuate its effect. As far as the realm of senses are concerned, habituation has served its role pretty well. We no longer treat the engine noise of the airplane as disturbing and soon fall into sleep, and to those who listen to music while doing other work, you prefer the music to remain in the background of your focus, and thats what habituation has achieved for you.
On the flip side, habituation has been a disservice at times when people take whatever is happening in front of them as being routine. Good things or bad things alike. When you repeatedly achieve success or good results, we start to give lesser credit to our diligence which has brought us there. It is being thought of as something innate and inherent in us so much that we forgot that it was once a cherished object or a prized possession. Yes, we underappreciate those around us. Our mind is seeking for something novel, something different to focus on. What was done is casted to the very back of our mind.
Life is always in abundance. There are always many perspectives to take on a subject matter, always many positions, solutions, and resolutions to take in a circumstance or situation. A multitude of responses to fit our desired aims.People are often stuck in decision making because their minds fail to see the possibilities, a much often product of habituation. We expect the same outcome everytime, the same way of doing things, and even similar mistakes. The only constant in this world is change, unfortunately. And so, our minds should not be set to habituation.
In working on the same piece of assignment, making the same flavour of coffee, or ringing the same doorbell, there are always new surprises. We have to be prepared. Applying it to unfavourable circumstances, we ought to think optimistically about the chain of events that occur. It may turn in our favour anytime. We have to be proactive in seizing control of ourselves and opportunities that arise instead of lamenting and grudging the plate of sour fruits in front of us.
Maybe afterall, its easier said then done. Many people are still on autopilot. Treating people around them the same way it is. Expecting things to turn out nicely and as per default. And when things don't, they place all their attention to the anomaly that occurred, the black sheep that people ofte single out, and the thorn among the roses. Doesn't that sound all too familiar? What if they are not odd? They are just unique and new?
It is perhaps in human's natural tendency to habituate. Since young, we seek safety and security in our caregivers. We try to conceive patterns of behaviour in our environment. We follow rules and norms. We obey instructions and live by our own set of protocols. We may have inadvertently tuned our minds to adhere to a set of standards for everything we do. Thats perfectly fine, because thats what create law and order at a societal level, and peace on a global scale.
But on an invidividual level, we ought to be conscious to the degree of our habituation. Always question ourselves on our thoughts and behaviour. Are they just extensions of previous expectations and experiences?
Things happen for a reason. When we start giving out the right acknowledgement and attributes to the right things and people, we will be on the right track to a happier life.
On the flip side, habituation has been a disservice at times when people take whatever is happening in front of them as being routine. Good things or bad things alike. When you repeatedly achieve success or good results, we start to give lesser credit to our diligence which has brought us there. It is being thought of as something innate and inherent in us so much that we forgot that it was once a cherished object or a prized possession. Yes, we underappreciate those around us. Our mind is seeking for something novel, something different to focus on. What was done is casted to the very back of our mind.
Life is always in abundance. There are always many perspectives to take on a subject matter, always many positions, solutions, and resolutions to take in a circumstance or situation. A multitude of responses to fit our desired aims.People are often stuck in decision making because their minds fail to see the possibilities, a much often product of habituation. We expect the same outcome everytime, the same way of doing things, and even similar mistakes. The only constant in this world is change, unfortunately. And so, our minds should not be set to habituation.
In working on the same piece of assignment, making the same flavour of coffee, or ringing the same doorbell, there are always new surprises. We have to be prepared. Applying it to unfavourable circumstances, we ought to think optimistically about the chain of events that occur. It may turn in our favour anytime. We have to be proactive in seizing control of ourselves and opportunities that arise instead of lamenting and grudging the plate of sour fruits in front of us.
Maybe afterall, its easier said then done. Many people are still on autopilot. Treating people around them the same way it is. Expecting things to turn out nicely and as per default. And when things don't, they place all their attention to the anomaly that occurred, the black sheep that people ofte single out, and the thorn among the roses. Doesn't that sound all too familiar? What if they are not odd? They are just unique and new?
It is perhaps in human's natural tendency to habituate. Since young, we seek safety and security in our caregivers. We try to conceive patterns of behaviour in our environment. We follow rules and norms. We obey instructions and live by our own set of protocols. We may have inadvertently tuned our minds to adhere to a set of standards for everything we do. Thats perfectly fine, because thats what create law and order at a societal level, and peace on a global scale.
But on an invidividual level, we ought to be conscious to the degree of our habituation. Always question ourselves on our thoughts and behaviour. Are they just extensions of previous expectations and experiences?
Things happen for a reason. When we start giving out the right acknowledgement and attributes to the right things and people, we will be on the right track to a happier life.
September 27, 2010
When it Snaps
A rubber band snaps when it is overstretched. A pipe bursts when the water pressure is too high. A person blows into a rage when he cannot contain his emotions. Things snap. Humans do as well. There is a limit to what we can tolerate and push on.
It is alright to snap, because it gives us the opportunity to re-start. It endows us with a valuable opportunity to learn from experience. It awards us with the surprise of the next better opportunity that comes by in the future. When we snap, we need to learn, we need to improve and better ourselves. A great deal of emphasis should be placed on understanding the self.
Why did we snap? Is it because of something that we know about ourselves? Or is it the unknown unknown?
I need to do some reflective thinking for now :) Because my mind is convoluted, and i am experiencing cognitive dissonance.
It is alright to snap, because it gives us the opportunity to re-start. It endows us with a valuable opportunity to learn from experience. It awards us with the surprise of the next better opportunity that comes by in the future. When we snap, we need to learn, we need to improve and better ourselves. A great deal of emphasis should be placed on understanding the self.
Why did we snap? Is it because of something that we know about ourselves? Or is it the unknown unknown?
I need to do some reflective thinking for now :) Because my mind is convoluted, and i am experiencing cognitive dissonance.
May 17, 2010
May 09, 2010
The FinePrints of Love
Love, something so multifaceted, so intangible, so obscure in its own meaning. It uncovers the entire spectrum of human emotions, revealing human nature in all its true colours. It is like the sun, the main source of energy empowering existence of all lifeforms. Yet Love cannot be measured in Intensity, Power, and other physical quantities. It can only appear so transient at times. You may acknowledge that it does not obey any conservation laws. Indeed, it is not scientific.
And yet this seemingly elusive matter has the potential to wreck havoc in our life. It can take control over each and everyone of us. It can direct our actions and behaviour. It can cause us to experience the roller coasters of our inner environment. Notwithstanding, there are many forms of love. Friendship, Relationship, Kinship, Brotherhood.. etc. All forms whose boundaries and meaning are purely unique to the people involved. I do not have the capacity and wisdom to put across what is suitable as the meaning of love, but as a participant of life, i have the right to express freely my opinion on love, at least within the realm of my experience.
Love is selfish. When there is love, there is expectation. thats the fundamental underpinning love, in my humble opinion. when you give, you don't always expect to get back anything, that is the ideal case. as we are living in the practical world, there is one assumption we must hold that makes the situation ideal - a reason/cause. Motherly love, religious love etc.. those kinds of love we deem as unselfish, unadulterated, are those that have a reason behind. for such ideal cases, there is almost nothing to discuss about, since if love is so pure, then mankind would not be who they are today. Unconditional love is something we aspire to, but it is not as practical. Imagine the entire world only bearing unconditional love. Everyone being altruistic. We are not going to move towards that because its not possible. Some one got to get rewarded more than the others. someone got to be the bad guy. thats just an incontrovertible fact of life.
And so when we shift away from unconditional love, what binds us most of the time is conditional love. Love that has a price to pay. Love that encompasses human desires, whims and fancies. Complicated love triangles.. entanglements, doing charity out of guilt conscience, but not love, etc.. many situations we can think of are just "facades" of love. the hidden agenda, be it mild or otherwise, takes over the human mind. Love, have you encountered its fineprints?
People who can utter love, but yet forget to state their fineprints - they do not know what they are truly speaking. But yet how many can be open to the truth of love, that ultimately hurts without any need for qualification? I love you, provided that XXXXXXX.. ouch. 30 years of marriage breaking down is love getting its revenge, the dwarfs quashing the giants. And it is truly painful. but how do you avoid such situations of love getting back to you? In a book called Radical honesty, the author advocates telling nothing but the truth to the person. Telling the truth that hurts bravely prevents the problem from further ballooning and obliterates the need to bury the problem.
But what is the truth? When people are in romance, when people truly are loving others (be it a relationship, kinship etc), how many of us can truly spot the ugly, selfish sides of ourselves? Being surrounded by the cloud of bliss, how many can sense the impending thunderstorm brewing? How do we ensure that we humans love truly for as little condition as possible?
What i feel is that we have to know how to say sorry. We have to learn how to admit our mistake, and be true to ourselves. we have to start appreciate the merits of others, the positives in a unpalatable situation. Recognising the positives does not mean ignoring the negatives, but also mean we have to confront the negatives in an objectively, controlled and rational way.
Being able to take a step back and stay rationale is inherently beneficial in love for the more important reason that one has the heart to make amends and strive for the better outcome. The heart and will to sustain the love is more important than what you do for this loving relationship. It is not uncommon to see people who violate this aspect by offering incessant apologies and yet remain recalcitrant or adamant to change their ways.
Love take both hands to clap. It is such a sacred relationship that the balance will easily tilt if any party reduces their commitment or devotion to the love. It is very delicate and highly sensitive. And henceforth, every aspect of one's life in a relationship can easily affect the love in between. Love, being built on common and mutual understanding, can be easily shaken by the most insignificant of things. It is therefore imperative to keep an open channel of communication or i would like to term a "helpline" in case it is slightly shaking. Quell the smallest of fires, and you will never encounter a forest fire.
Now it sounds very tedious isn't it? Then it makes you think if love is indeed so daunting and so difficult to sustain. As much as we really hope for a magical formula or an ingenius algorithm to solve problems, there will never be a mechanical way out of it.
Everyone of us will deal with it our own way. There is no right way, because everyone's form of love are defined differently. The only advice that is dispensable is: Love, with your heart.
And yet this seemingly elusive matter has the potential to wreck havoc in our life. It can take control over each and everyone of us. It can direct our actions and behaviour. It can cause us to experience the roller coasters of our inner environment. Notwithstanding, there are many forms of love. Friendship, Relationship, Kinship, Brotherhood.. etc. All forms whose boundaries and meaning are purely unique to the people involved. I do not have the capacity and wisdom to put across what is suitable as the meaning of love, but as a participant of life, i have the right to express freely my opinion on love, at least within the realm of my experience.
Love is selfish. When there is love, there is expectation. thats the fundamental underpinning love, in my humble opinion. when you give, you don't always expect to get back anything, that is the ideal case. as we are living in the practical world, there is one assumption we must hold that makes the situation ideal - a reason/cause. Motherly love, religious love etc.. those kinds of love we deem as unselfish, unadulterated, are those that have a reason behind. for such ideal cases, there is almost nothing to discuss about, since if love is so pure, then mankind would not be who they are today. Unconditional love is something we aspire to, but it is not as practical. Imagine the entire world only bearing unconditional love. Everyone being altruistic. We are not going to move towards that because its not possible. Some one got to get rewarded more than the others. someone got to be the bad guy. thats just an incontrovertible fact of life.
And so when we shift away from unconditional love, what binds us most of the time is conditional love. Love that has a price to pay. Love that encompasses human desires, whims and fancies. Complicated love triangles.. entanglements, doing charity out of guilt conscience, but not love, etc.. many situations we can think of are just "facades" of love. the hidden agenda, be it mild or otherwise, takes over the human mind. Love, have you encountered its fineprints?
People who can utter love, but yet forget to state their fineprints - they do not know what they are truly speaking. But yet how many can be open to the truth of love, that ultimately hurts without any need for qualification? I love you, provided that XXXXXXX.. ouch. 30 years of marriage breaking down is love getting its revenge, the dwarfs quashing the giants. And it is truly painful. but how do you avoid such situations of love getting back to you? In a book called Radical honesty, the author advocates telling nothing but the truth to the person. Telling the truth that hurts bravely prevents the problem from further ballooning and obliterates the need to bury the problem.
But what is the truth? When people are in romance, when people truly are loving others (be it a relationship, kinship etc), how many of us can truly spot the ugly, selfish sides of ourselves? Being surrounded by the cloud of bliss, how many can sense the impending thunderstorm brewing? How do we ensure that we humans love truly for as little condition as possible?
What i feel is that we have to know how to say sorry. We have to learn how to admit our mistake, and be true to ourselves. we have to start appreciate the merits of others, the positives in a unpalatable situation. Recognising the positives does not mean ignoring the negatives, but also mean we have to confront the negatives in an objectively, controlled and rational way.
Being able to take a step back and stay rationale is inherently beneficial in love for the more important reason that one has the heart to make amends and strive for the better outcome. The heart and will to sustain the love is more important than what you do for this loving relationship. It is not uncommon to see people who violate this aspect by offering incessant apologies and yet remain recalcitrant or adamant to change their ways.
Love take both hands to clap. It is such a sacred relationship that the balance will easily tilt if any party reduces their commitment or devotion to the love. It is very delicate and highly sensitive. And henceforth, every aspect of one's life in a relationship can easily affect the love in between. Love, being built on common and mutual understanding, can be easily shaken by the most insignificant of things. It is therefore imperative to keep an open channel of communication or i would like to term a "helpline" in case it is slightly shaking. Quell the smallest of fires, and you will never encounter a forest fire.
Now it sounds very tedious isn't it? Then it makes you think if love is indeed so daunting and so difficult to sustain. As much as we really hope for a magical formula or an ingenius algorithm to solve problems, there will never be a mechanical way out of it.
Everyone of us will deal with it our own way. There is no right way, because everyone's form of love are defined differently. The only advice that is dispensable is: Love, with your heart.
October 18, 2009
Perspective Entrapment
It seems as if my blog has lain dormant for an interminable period of time. I know no one is reading it, except my conscious awareness that someone may be reading it, or probably chanced upon it. I publicised it on my msn quite a long time ago, but sooner or later i took it off as it bore no meaning in doing so. It isn't a fan page or any public matter. It is just the humble insights into the private life of mine. The world of ruminations and deep thoughts circulating in the realm of my existence. So for these few months, 7 months to be exact, there was the inertia to blog, and partially the lack of time as well. I've got so many commitments for this semester.
But now i find the motivation to do so again, because i really hope to illuminate some of my thoughts. These thoughts have been residing in my head for quite long. As usual, some passing thoughts that i have dwelt upon.
Perspective Entrapment. What a bulky name i created to encapsulate the topic trapped in my poor little skull now. First, perspective. Perspectives are just different ways of viewing things in life. That is why we are all entitled to our own opinions. Different views by different people on the same matter. This is also the reason why surveys/questionnaires can yield substantial data. The way we think are different. And each way of thinking leads to inevitably dissimilar results. Good or bad, more often only evident to the individual concerned.
The take back i have often reminded myself is that one's perspective will change the attitude and way of treatment towards that particular subject matter. So, just like what Victor Frankl said in his interview, it is only the inflexibility of human minds to come out with a meaning for it that makes our current predicament the way it is. If we want to feel better, change your perspective. Start looking at things from a different angle. Start changing the way things can be viewed upon. Don't blame your narrow viewpoint. Don't think that things are always fixed. When they happen, they happen for a reason, find that particular viewpoint that will allow you to triumph and derive the maximum utility and satisfaction. Zoom in onto the essence of the matter. Obtain what is necessarily beneficial. Use it as a stepping stone.
Well, you may argue, i dont have a magic wand. It sounds very simple as u say.. tweak the perspective, change it to something which you can make sense of, something which is positive and allows you to have strength to carry on in life. Easier said than done. And exactly, this is topic which i am very interested to talk about in this post. Perspective Entrapment. How do you liberate yourself from any traps in perspectives?
I do not have the perfect answer, no antidote for you. But i have some opinions on these since it has been on my mind for a long period of time.
I suppose you will need to see clearly why you need the change, if the motivation is not compelling enough, you will continue to hold on to the undesirable perspective. Sometimes thinking about thinking is useful. Think of why you are thinking in this way. Our brain is like a maze. You have many routes to one common destination. Of the many routes, each of them will boast a different experience. Start to perceive yourself taking a particular route, which is your current perspective, and re-ponder about how this perspective have led you to how you feel about things, and the situation you are in. Relive this experience again. Do you like it?
Well of course since it is a maze, there are other possible routes. They are unexplored, but feasible. You would not know exactly where to turn next, what is the exact mapping to the right destination. But you need a change, and hence you are willing to venture to other paths, despite the fact that you would have to re-navigate to the final endpoint again. In this endeavour, the initial inertia has to be overcome, and you have to believe that this new trying is worthwhile.
If you cannot convince yourself to adopt a new viewpoint, or i.e. change a route, then dont force yourself to a new viewpoint. Stick to your current perspective. Try to repeat the first step of rehearsing your perspective again. We have to recognise that there is a choice in the way we think, because thinking is not like any device or object that can be replaced or altered by physical, chemical or mechanical changes. Its not like changing the tyres of a car to make it more road-worthy. Neither can the doctor surgically alter your thinking by operating on you. You have the full capability to change your viewpoint anytime. You are in charge.
The exact reason why you are in charge empowers you to hold yourself at ransom in life. You can limit yourself to unbelievably narrow and absurd perspectives that do more harm than good. So you need to first have a resolution to alter your viewpoint.
Well, the process of changing perspective is fraught with uncertainty, and lack of confidence. Self-esteem might get into the way for some cases. Our ego, as they say. The environment may sometimes prove too challenging to alter our perspectives. At times, the thought of changing might already erode the possibility of taking the first step. Well, this will not be an easy task. But nevertheless, it is a choice that will potentially extricate you out of a mental trap. A trap that minimises your life to haplessness.
It is never easy, for even I myself have been not able to overcome the first hurdle everytime. But I am trying to improve. To the others who may face the same dilemma as me, what do you think about this?
But now i find the motivation to do so again, because i really hope to illuminate some of my thoughts. These thoughts have been residing in my head for quite long. As usual, some passing thoughts that i have dwelt upon.
Perspective Entrapment. What a bulky name i created to encapsulate the topic trapped in my poor little skull now. First, perspective. Perspectives are just different ways of viewing things in life. That is why we are all entitled to our own opinions. Different views by different people on the same matter. This is also the reason why surveys/questionnaires can yield substantial data. The way we think are different. And each way of thinking leads to inevitably dissimilar results. Good or bad, more often only evident to the individual concerned.
The take back i have often reminded myself is that one's perspective will change the attitude and way of treatment towards that particular subject matter. So, just like what Victor Frankl said in his interview, it is only the inflexibility of human minds to come out with a meaning for it that makes our current predicament the way it is. If we want to feel better, change your perspective. Start looking at things from a different angle. Start changing the way things can be viewed upon. Don't blame your narrow viewpoint. Don't think that things are always fixed. When they happen, they happen for a reason, find that particular viewpoint that will allow you to triumph and derive the maximum utility and satisfaction. Zoom in onto the essence of the matter. Obtain what is necessarily beneficial. Use it as a stepping stone.
Well, you may argue, i dont have a magic wand. It sounds very simple as u say.. tweak the perspective, change it to something which you can make sense of, something which is positive and allows you to have strength to carry on in life. Easier said than done. And exactly, this is topic which i am very interested to talk about in this post. Perspective Entrapment. How do you liberate yourself from any traps in perspectives?
I do not have the perfect answer, no antidote for you. But i have some opinions on these since it has been on my mind for a long period of time.
I suppose you will need to see clearly why you need the change, if the motivation is not compelling enough, you will continue to hold on to the undesirable perspective. Sometimes thinking about thinking is useful. Think of why you are thinking in this way. Our brain is like a maze. You have many routes to one common destination. Of the many routes, each of them will boast a different experience. Start to perceive yourself taking a particular route, which is your current perspective, and re-ponder about how this perspective have led you to how you feel about things, and the situation you are in. Relive this experience again. Do you like it?
Well of course since it is a maze, there are other possible routes. They are unexplored, but feasible. You would not know exactly where to turn next, what is the exact mapping to the right destination. But you need a change, and hence you are willing to venture to other paths, despite the fact that you would have to re-navigate to the final endpoint again. In this endeavour, the initial inertia has to be overcome, and you have to believe that this new trying is worthwhile.
If you cannot convince yourself to adopt a new viewpoint, or i.e. change a route, then dont force yourself to a new viewpoint. Stick to your current perspective. Try to repeat the first step of rehearsing your perspective again. We have to recognise that there is a choice in the way we think, because thinking is not like any device or object that can be replaced or altered by physical, chemical or mechanical changes. Its not like changing the tyres of a car to make it more road-worthy. Neither can the doctor surgically alter your thinking by operating on you. You have the full capability to change your viewpoint anytime. You are in charge.
The exact reason why you are in charge empowers you to hold yourself at ransom in life. You can limit yourself to unbelievably narrow and absurd perspectives that do more harm than good. So you need to first have a resolution to alter your viewpoint.
Well, the process of changing perspective is fraught with uncertainty, and lack of confidence. Self-esteem might get into the way for some cases. Our ego, as they say. The environment may sometimes prove too challenging to alter our perspectives. At times, the thought of changing might already erode the possibility of taking the first step. Well, this will not be an easy task. But nevertheless, it is a choice that will potentially extricate you out of a mental trap. A trap that minimises your life to haplessness.
It is never easy, for even I myself have been not able to overcome the first hurdle everytime. But I am trying to improve. To the others who may face the same dilemma as me, what do you think about this?
March 14, 2009
Drenched
As the rain pour down the streets, your comfortable dry attire gets wet and soaked after a few seconds. That's the unpleasant feeling of being drenched, literally. Again, in this unique entry of mine, i like to explore other meanings of this word.
Drenched can imply being in a battered state, an emotional state where you feel despondent or highly negative. (well this is adapted from those dramas where you see the male or female plunges into despair in the pouring rain, unsheltered)
Well sometimes getting drenched can be devastating, especially when the outcome drastically deviates from one's expectations. It ushers in the shattering reality, which quickly and mercilessly sucks out the euphoria and/or nonchalance in one, allowing an emotional free fall. Different people experienced drenched states in different proportions, some more frequent than the others. It all depends on one's expectations as well as the coping ability of one's psyche.
Drenched, in my definition, has to encompass an event or circumstance which leads to the feeling of being overwhelmed. It is different from being overwhelmed by a heavy workload or schedule per se. Neither can it be gradual. It is necessarily swift and all-consuming. For e.g. the moment u saw an F grade for a module.
What leads me to ponder further is the prevention of such drenched states. Mental preparation certainly help to cushion the impact of drenching. But its effects are short term. Once reality sets in permanently, the more dreadful phenomenon plagues us - depression. We are left reeling in the after shock, to savour the bitterness of what is truly tormenting us. Maybe the more crucial question is then to ask how to deal with such states. When you plunge into a miserable abyss, how do you pull yourself out again?
There are invariably 2 ways. One which depends on an external factor, and the other an internal one - our own thoughts. Without dwelling much into the details of what exactly is external or internal, lets take an overview of the 2 ways. It leaves little dispute that an internally motivated recovery would see sustainable results as compared to an external remedy. Internal recovery usually takes a longer time than external ones, and therefore, depending on the exigencies of the situation, different resolutions are often seen employed. The passage of time allows for greater damage to be dealt, while certainly also introduces the risk of little or no recovery. The ability of one to self heal, though from a nature perspective is true, cannot be totally applied when human states are concerned. Hence the alternative of external help does help to catalyse the recuperative process.
I fancy the idea of internal healing, something which advocates an independent approach. Everything in this world obeys the law of conservation and equilibrium. Healing is a reversion to equilibrium. Internal healing is therefore a self-sufficient effort in returning back to the steady state. Just my personal bias, but definitely i do agree with having an external aid as long as the rewards of internal recovery are not undermined. I believe that the idea of a self effort is a process of growth. We learn when we climb back up on our own. We acknowledge our mistakes and make significant gains in the recovery process. Accelerating this process might hamper this educational experience. To trade off our time for this education might afterall be worthwhile as long as we adopt the right attitude.
Now,after saying so much, getting drenched just equals to an opportunity to learn from yourself directly. We are our own teachers. In fact, the best guiding mentors are always in us, except that we have often disregarded it.
As they always say, look within.
Drenched can imply being in a battered state, an emotional state where you feel despondent or highly negative. (well this is adapted from those dramas where you see the male or female plunges into despair in the pouring rain, unsheltered)
Well sometimes getting drenched can be devastating, especially when the outcome drastically deviates from one's expectations. It ushers in the shattering reality, which quickly and mercilessly sucks out the euphoria and/or nonchalance in one, allowing an emotional free fall. Different people experienced drenched states in different proportions, some more frequent than the others. It all depends on one's expectations as well as the coping ability of one's psyche.
Drenched, in my definition, has to encompass an event or circumstance which leads to the feeling of being overwhelmed. It is different from being overwhelmed by a heavy workload or schedule per se. Neither can it be gradual. It is necessarily swift and all-consuming. For e.g. the moment u saw an F grade for a module.
What leads me to ponder further is the prevention of such drenched states. Mental preparation certainly help to cushion the impact of drenching. But its effects are short term. Once reality sets in permanently, the more dreadful phenomenon plagues us - depression. We are left reeling in the after shock, to savour the bitterness of what is truly tormenting us. Maybe the more crucial question is then to ask how to deal with such states. When you plunge into a miserable abyss, how do you pull yourself out again?
There are invariably 2 ways. One which depends on an external factor, and the other an internal one - our own thoughts. Without dwelling much into the details of what exactly is external or internal, lets take an overview of the 2 ways. It leaves little dispute that an internally motivated recovery would see sustainable results as compared to an external remedy. Internal recovery usually takes a longer time than external ones, and therefore, depending on the exigencies of the situation, different resolutions are often seen employed. The passage of time allows for greater damage to be dealt, while certainly also introduces the risk of little or no recovery. The ability of one to self heal, though from a nature perspective is true, cannot be totally applied when human states are concerned. Hence the alternative of external help does help to catalyse the recuperative process.
I fancy the idea of internal healing, something which advocates an independent approach. Everything in this world obeys the law of conservation and equilibrium. Healing is a reversion to equilibrium. Internal healing is therefore a self-sufficient effort in returning back to the steady state. Just my personal bias, but definitely i do agree with having an external aid as long as the rewards of internal recovery are not undermined. I believe that the idea of a self effort is a process of growth. We learn when we climb back up on our own. We acknowledge our mistakes and make significant gains in the recovery process. Accelerating this process might hamper this educational experience. To trade off our time for this education might afterall be worthwhile as long as we adopt the right attitude.
Now,after saying so much, getting drenched just equals to an opportunity to learn from yourself directly. We are our own teachers. In fact, the best guiding mentors are always in us, except that we have often disregarded it.
As they always say, look within.
January 17, 2009
Time and Choice
Everyone will always have competing needs for his or her time. However, whatever lies in the minds or desires of one expands in front of him or her. That is why people have priorities, or set priorities to focus.
Alongside priorities would be disappointment. When you choose, you make decisions. When you make decisions, you select one or a few, and neglect the rest. When you reward, you are also punishing the rest. Basically when you focus on something, the other tasks, people and processes will be left out. Are you held accountable for those u unintentionally leave out? Is it even unintentional in the first place since you catered to you own preference and needs?
Individualism or collectivism? well, the reason that both are ends of a spectrum speaks volumes of itself being a continuum. So, in a somewhat similar fashion, with regards to the answer to questions in the above para, whether you are accountable or not, its not important. The crux of the issue is the extent! Are you overly individualistic, or too self sacrificing?
This question will depend on the social context, as well as individuals character and personality. There is no right or wrong, for ultimately, it's a choice.
And if you had paid attention, making a choice necessarily means neglecting the rest.
Am i uttering rubbish?
Your choice :)
What a way to kick start the year, lol!
Alongside priorities would be disappointment. When you choose, you make decisions. When you make decisions, you select one or a few, and neglect the rest. When you reward, you are also punishing the rest. Basically when you focus on something, the other tasks, people and processes will be left out. Are you held accountable for those u unintentionally leave out? Is it even unintentional in the first place since you catered to you own preference and needs?
Individualism or collectivism? well, the reason that both are ends of a spectrum speaks volumes of itself being a continuum. So, in a somewhat similar fashion, with regards to the answer to questions in the above para, whether you are accountable or not, its not important. The crux of the issue is the extent! Are you overly individualistic, or too self sacrificing?
This question will depend on the social context, as well as individuals character and personality. There is no right or wrong, for ultimately, it's a choice.
And if you had paid attention, making a choice necessarily means neglecting the rest.
Am i uttering rubbish?
Your choice :)
What a way to kick start the year, lol!
December 12, 2008
幸福的回音
幸福到底是怎样的玩意儿？是一种感觉吗？还是一种象征？其实幸福时时刻刻都与我们为伴，只是不知足的我们似乎视而不见。幸福在于每天能够活得自在，能够把周边的事务变得更美好。幸福在于有改变的权利，有掌握生命的动力。
在这段学期里，我更深一层地了解自己，自己的情感模式，性格，人生的另一面。除了课务繁忙，我渐渐体会到了要怎样平衡处理我种种的事务，虽然还不能算有条不紊，但下个学期，我一定要做的更好。
爱 一个人才是真正的幸福，被爱往往不能长久。说到爱，我做了认真的思考，也的了小小的结论。爱是一种使命，是抽象的。它是责任，是一个伟大任务，胜于亲密， 关心，谅解，容忍，和睦，开心，etc. 爱是漏印在双方心中的同一个梦想，奥妙无比。亲密，关心，谅解，容忍，和睦，开心，etc 只是桥梁，虽不是爱本身，但也扮演着举足轻重的角色.
爱也是一种挑战，越艰辛，越有意义（当然前提是双方能克服）。它是个长久的拉锯战，你不能说停，也难以说放弃（除非你无心）。它的果实是甜的，但绝非让你非常满足到底。丝丝的满足感，提供你微妙的力量。你不能要求太多，因为多反而不一定是好。唯有用心感应，不言而喻 :)
This indeed is one of my rare posts in chinese. It took me some time to churn it out. My chinese has indeed gone rusty. Anw, holidays are getting on real fast, and christmas is coming, signaling the impending commencement of the next sem! But before that there will be results. Keeping my fingers crossed :)
在这段学期里，我更深一层地了解自己，自己的情感模式，性格，人生的另一面。除了课务繁忙，我渐渐体会到了要怎样平衡处理我种种的事务，虽然还不能算有条不紊，但下个学期，我一定要做的更好。
爱 一个人才是真正的幸福，被爱往往不能长久。说到爱，我做了认真的思考，也的了小小的结论。爱是一种使命，是抽象的。它是责任，是一个伟大任务，胜于亲密， 关心，谅解，容忍，和睦，开心，etc. 爱是漏印在双方心中的同一个梦想，奥妙无比。亲密，关心，谅解，容忍，和睦，开心，etc 只是桥梁，虽不是爱本身，但也扮演着举足轻重的角色.
爱也是一种挑战，越艰辛，越有意义（当然前提是双方能克服）。它是个长久的拉锯战，你不能说停，也难以说放弃（除非你无心）。它的果实是甜的，但绝非让你非常满足到底。丝丝的满足感，提供你微妙的力量。你不能要求太多，因为多反而不一定是好。唯有用心感应，不言而喻 :)
This indeed is one of my rare posts in chinese. It took me some time to churn it out. My chinese has indeed gone rusty. Anw, holidays are getting on real fast, and christmas is coming, signaling the impending commencement of the next sem! But before that there will be results. Keeping my fingers crossed :)
November 03, 2008
The Birthday Theory
Technically speaking, birthdays are annual events, rare as they seem, but genuine as they are. Especially when hallmarks of growth are concerned, e.g. 21st etc (u get my meaning), people do really get into the joyous mood as if another festive season just arrived. Fantabulous (ok no such word) parties are thrown, impactful events to remember. Supposed to last a lifetime. But for me, which of course being a november baby, mine had to come, though excruciatingly slow people would say, but nevertheless being younger for a few months certainly made me feel more elated and grant me that humorous edge in life whenever i hang out with my peers.
Not to bore you all more with my suspicious intention of getting you familiar with some big or bombastic theory. Its just called Happy Birthday in English. Yes! 21st. What can it mean? it means you would have lived 21 years, many months, many many days, many many many hours, many many many many minutes, and lastly (or else you will stop reading i think..:) many many many many many seconds... Well, they say 21 is a pretty nice age, you are an adult, physically.. take note.. physically.. nothing to imply mental maturity, but yes, if u are not mature yet, keyword is ACT like one. And so the celebration begun.. it all started when oct came to an end.. people were focused so much on mid term examinations, and then this weird's guy bday just popped out of a sudden. Kinda interrupted the mugging mood.. But then.. as they say, birthday right? festive season right? yes so of course got some kinda mood..
Some chronological events here.. it all started like this.. sat afternoon, went singing with wl,eq and ct. Cut a sinful chocolate cake and finished by all of us there.. sun morning went to jalan kayu for prata (erm that was breakfast, but also kinda celebrating my bday..) as u can see, since sun was my bday, everything that has transpired on that day is deemed as "in celebration of the day".. Then of course i had my tuition after my breakfast, and had a couple of bday greetings that came along.. Then went back to sch, then went to sing k again, then came back hall with the last few hours spent wonderfully. Well its a matter of the mind, and i can recall how painful the last few minutes of my bday.. it was a countdown, except that it was a countdown to an end. So i guess it made no meaning.
But thats how it went in a nutshell, with some presents along the way. i must say its simple, yet very meaningful. I am satisfied, i am happy. there are somethings although, which i must admit, that are not very smooth along the way, some moments of regret and disappointment, but i appreciate that it came as part of this experience.
Life should not always be happy. There must be tension, and realisation. This period of my life has shown me yet again the people who really care for you, made an effort to stand by and reaffirm their emotional attachment to you. No man is an island, the invisible structures that hold you up as an individual surviving in this great world is revealing itself. I like that feeling. The feeling that u know you are not alone. The feeling that you know that there is something worth striving for.
I know some people like to list down those that wished them happy bday. But i dont like to based on once again a wise man's words (em, in case u are thinking who is it, its my room mate, eugene) - those who know you wont need this anyway, and those who are not close to you dont care anyway.
Oh ya, i almost forget about my title. its called the birthday theory :) it states that everyday is either your birthday or your belated birthday. Every moment you live should be, will be, and must be a moment of pure joy and fulfilling experience. To the mathematical person, 1 day of bday, 364 days of belated birthdays. So its never wrong to wish someone happy birthday, just add the belated word when necessary.
As if this theory is not nonsensical enough, let me say in utter solemnness that this is never a joke. The ability to live fulfillingly is not a want, but a desperate need in all humans.
My greatest birthday wish is to live a fulfilling life as such. To adhere in accordance to this seemingly idealistic birthday theory is not to kid myself, its to strive towards it.
Support my theory! Haha :)
Not to bore you all more with my suspicious intention of getting you familiar with some big or bombastic theory. Its just called Happy Birthday in English. Yes! 21st. What can it mean? it means you would have lived 21 years, many months, many many days, many many many hours, many many many many minutes, and lastly (or else you will stop reading i think..:) many many many many many seconds... Well, they say 21 is a pretty nice age, you are an adult, physically.. take note.. physically.. nothing to imply mental maturity, but yes, if u are not mature yet, keyword is ACT like one. And so the celebration begun.. it all started when oct came to an end.. people were focused so much on mid term examinations, and then this weird's guy bday just popped out of a sudden. Kinda interrupted the mugging mood.. But then.. as they say, birthday right? festive season right? yes so of course got some kinda mood..
Some chronological events here.. it all started like this.. sat afternoon, went singing with wl,eq and ct. Cut a sinful chocolate cake and finished by all of us there.. sun morning went to jalan kayu for prata (erm that was breakfast, but also kinda celebrating my bday..) as u can see, since sun was my bday, everything that has transpired on that day is deemed as "in celebration of the day".. Then of course i had my tuition after my breakfast, and had a couple of bday greetings that came along.. Then went back to sch, then went to sing k again, then came back hall with the last few hours spent wonderfully. Well its a matter of the mind, and i can recall how painful the last few minutes of my bday.. it was a countdown, except that it was a countdown to an end. So i guess it made no meaning.
But thats how it went in a nutshell, with some presents along the way. i must say its simple, yet very meaningful. I am satisfied, i am happy. there are somethings although, which i must admit, that are not very smooth along the way, some moments of regret and disappointment, but i appreciate that it came as part of this experience.
Life should not always be happy. There must be tension, and realisation. This period of my life has shown me yet again the people who really care for you, made an effort to stand by and reaffirm their emotional attachment to you. No man is an island, the invisible structures that hold you up as an individual surviving in this great world is revealing itself. I like that feeling. The feeling that u know you are not alone. The feeling that you know that there is something worth striving for.
I know some people like to list down those that wished them happy bday. But i dont like to based on once again a wise man's words (em, in case u are thinking who is it, its my room mate, eugene) - those who know you wont need this anyway, and those who are not close to you dont care anyway.
Oh ya, i almost forget about my title. its called the birthday theory :) it states that everyday is either your birthday or your belated birthday. Every moment you live should be, will be, and must be a moment of pure joy and fulfilling experience. To the mathematical person, 1 day of bday, 364 days of belated birthdays. So its never wrong to wish someone happy birthday, just add the belated word when necessary.
As if this theory is not nonsensical enough, let me say in utter solemnness that this is never a joke. The ability to live fulfillingly is not a want, but a desperate need in all humans.
My greatest birthday wish is to live a fulfilling life as such. To adhere in accordance to this seemingly idealistic birthday theory is not to kid myself, its to strive towards it.
Support my theory! Haha :)
October 19, 2008
Transience...
No one can ever be happy all the time. The mood of mine has been plunging into a rollercoaster ride. More often, it has been that of melancholic, depressing, and for a few rare instances, gratification and contentment. There are some problems in me that havent been resolved. It bogs up and down everytime, thankfully it isnt like simple harmonic motion with a constant periodicity. It is not that i have not tried to rein in the situation and seek a solution. The fact that the resolution is always tested against the menacing claws of time quenches my willpower and dampens whatever rationality there is in me that upheld the resolution in the first place. I feel so powerless. Yet in certain instances, or rather occasional ones, i manage to put up a fierce battle against the irrationality and triumph in sheer self-effacement. Well, not to discredit it, but the turmoil soon comes back. The vicious cycle emerges from its only dormant active state. And here i go again... transience.. what a word.. so succinct in its epitomisation of my plight..
Maybe the problem lies in the resolution.. probably its a lousy resolution..but any o how, it was already made to the best of my ability at that point in time. I probably need to refine it. Afterall, life is about progress, not perfection.. as i always put it across to myself. A barber cant cut his own hair, but at least he tries to. Until my next entry, i shall update you with this ferocious battle i face every day, every moment. It is okay if you do not understand what i say, because it is meant to be personal.
Just to draw a parallel to Hsienberg Uncertainty Principle, you cannot simultaneously locate the problem and the magnitude of the problem at the same time. Well the above is just to amaze myself and adopt a lighter outlook of the problem.
Meanwhile, with the exams roaring ahead.. it is almost inevitable that the countdown begins.. And the mugging instincts unleashed.
Till my next post, permanence shall be striked out of my vocab.
Maybe the problem lies in the resolution.. probably its a lousy resolution..but any o how, it was already made to the best of my ability at that point in time. I probably need to refine it. Afterall, life is about progress, not perfection.. as i always put it across to myself. A barber cant cut his own hair, but at least he tries to. Until my next entry, i shall update you with this ferocious battle i face every day, every moment. It is okay if you do not understand what i say, because it is meant to be personal.
Just to draw a parallel to Hsienberg Uncertainty Principle, you cannot simultaneously locate the problem and the magnitude of the problem at the same time. Well the above is just to amaze myself and adopt a lighter outlook of the problem.
Meanwhile, with the exams roaring ahead.. it is almost inevitable that the countdown begins.. And the mugging instincts unleashed.
Till my next post, permanence shall be striked out of my vocab.
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