Permission to be HUMAN

As much as humans seek acknowledgement and affirmation, what is less obvious but yet a truth in many of us is that we all sometimes do not give ourselves chances to be human, i.e. to be ourselves. The cloud of expectations hovering around us seems invisibly thick. These expectations can be imposed by us or by our friends, families or the society at large. The problem isn't with having expectations. It is when we do not meet expectations. It is when things around us do not seem to be happening the right way. And so we start to feel anxious, worrisome, angry etc. Woohoo, guess what happens next?

Of course, if there is a problem, fix it. Thats the most idiot proof and inevitable way out. Try as much to rectify as possible. Find the root cause of it.. see who or what was at fault. Usually its fine if we can isolate an external cause to it. But for those who have a predisposed tendency to blame themselves (aka having an internal locus of control, or perhaps even a pessimistic explanatory style), this finger pointing/fault finding episode usually degenerates into a thrashing of the individual's self esteem. Its me! All my fault! Why did i...? I should not have...! Worse still... I am stupid!

Of course, there are some errors which genuinely deserve us to take the thrashing, like they said, as a gentleman. They require us to 'Repent' (but certainly not for 5 years!). ok no pun intended. Having said so, many of us overstep this boundary in this blame game. Irrational magnifications of problems, coupled with habitual twisted beliefs about oneself, and selective attention to the negatives thrusts us into the core of unrelenting self-reproach and harsh evaluation.

We seem to have forgotten that we afterall possess the ability to misjudge, the capacity to make mistakes, and the capacity to be irrational. Yes, it is not an accidental relapse of our seemingly perfect human ability. I say again, it is not a relapse. We POSSESS these abilities to fall backward. We are born with tendencies to make mistakes. We have to give ourselves space to make them. And by that i mean the unconditional acceptance when bad things happen, and a haven to rehabilitate, and recover from these occasions.

It does not need to be something we have done wrong. It can refer to any form of dissonance we are experiencing. For e.g. we want to feel jealous, but we do not allow ourselves to by rationalizing for e.g that the person is our best friend. Or when u have let out an embarrassing noise in public which makes us feel very bad at ourselves. Well, things may be just not concurring to our perceived reality, but that doesn't mean we have to be emotionally charged over it.

After all, there should be mistakes made in life. There should be awkward moments. There should be uncomfortable situations. There should be jokes made at us. At times we ought to look stupid. At times we are stupid. If we give ourselves the liberty to look and feel out of place, we grant ourselves a ticket to salvaging ourselves from these seemingly undesirable situations.

Looking from an alternative perspective, thats how our lives becomes interesting. Thats how the scenery around us becomes so beautiful. The things that bursts our expectations, incidents that surfaces out of the ordinary, and the surprises that pops out our way.

Indeed, if we would only allow ourselves the right to enjoy them :)