在那远方我仿佛听见你的呼唤，你的慰问。虽然遥远，但却清晰。在感情王海里，是那么特殊，那么真诚。或许是我自己胡乱猜想，也许根本就没这回事。感觉上是在自欺欺人，但也不愿意这样。心中那么混浊，生命似乎不能有所期盼。对于我周边的事，我似乎总是不能搞清楚，做清楚。我不想这样，但又一筹莫展。一线线希望，恐怕将随着我的无奈而遗憾离去，一场欢喜一场空。
Next, temp work hasn't been anything fun at all. To say the least, it silences the drive in me to do more productive work. But it was my choice in the first place, so i have no rights to reproach myself. All i can do is to see how time can be better utilised, how emotions can be better managed. As quoted from a few posts back ago, life after ORD wouldn't be as easy as expected. There are challenges in every phase of our life, to avoid it is tantamount to cowardice. To grudge is to reinforce the discomfort we face, and to sulk and get depressed is to weaken oneself even before the battle starts. It is inevitable, so face it.
November 22, 2007
November 11, 2007
Emotional Dysfunction
好景不常在，好花不常开，天有不测之风云，人有旦夕祸福.
Some things are just borne to be beyond our control. But some things are. Well, when one's health is not optimum, one realises how important it is. Humans are said to be the smart, but yet they need the alarm bell to resonate through their ears to send a message across. This shows how immature we are emotionally, though intellectually we might be far superior than any other species. Aren't human relations the same? They are complex, untouchables, and of course unfathomable.
You can't impose something on someone, cannot coerce them to feel happy, and most of all you cannot dictate their emotions. Us, being the external environment to an individual, might at best provide a stimulus, upon which it is incumbent on the individual's receptors to discern and interpret beneficial messages sent across, and of course act on it hopefully. Sometimes u might feel that ur receptors are just one of a kind, or maybe they are like antibiotic resistant bacteria which have developed immunity in our body. They are wilful and impervious to a particular kind of stimulus. That is why the onset of nagging having little or no effect on people, recalcitrants unable to cast off their delinquency, or even simple humans like us unable to get on with our lives in the desirable way we want.
This phenomenon is the underlying cause of procrastination. It is the sole detriment of insufficient motivation, or for people who find it always difficult to stick to a preplanned schedule. They often give excuses to cover up their incompetencies and inept. Well, our body always have a kind of feedback mechanism which is self-defensive. When u are slightly out of equilibrium, for example, u are slightly late, behind schedule, or score lesser marks then expected in an exam, the conscious mind would seek to provide mitigating reasons to legitimise our errors, recomposing ourselves. This is of course if the deviation is found to be within our threshold of acceptance. But beyond this threshold, most of us would plunge into emotional roller coasters, experiencing depression, grief, and despondency. In the long term, it might be mood swings, irritability and prolonged mental illnesses.
We have to rein in the situation. We have to get in control of ourselves. I guess in some of my ancient posts i have touched on concepts like getting out of your own mind frame, isolating our emotions, and also on a change in stimulus. But with my personal experience, these are all not so easily achieved. Why? These changes are lacking in a rudimental purpose. The dearth of a substantial philosophy for the change. Yes, if u get it now, the question to ask is: Why change? Can't i allow myself to live around like this? If u feel intuitively that things should not carry on like this but yet u feel unable to initiate this change, seek help from those around you. Look at some of the people who are living the lifestyle that u desire to change for. Mix around with them more often, and ask if they could help you with adapting their kind of lifestyle.
Many people claim words are like arrows, they pierce through emotions. But yet words fail terribly when it comes to inspiring a person feeling helpless, unmotivated, and disenchanted. Action speak louder than words. Lead the way. Provide help by getting the person involve in his or her change. Let the person feel the love and purpose of the journey of what he seeks to achieve.
Just like a gun without bullets or a chef without his ingredients, an action without purpose seems at best half hearted and inefficient. At worse, it looks just like a balloon released freely allowing air inside to escape. It looks silly, and unleashes an avalanche of consequences which are mostly emotional, psychological and spiritual. This continues to torment our soul, grinds our determination, and debilitates our resolve towards the problem. A vicious cycle could be set up if subsequent attempts to solve the problem does not identify with a rooted purpose.
So tackle the problem at its roots. This is usually the hardest part and what people preconceive as the dormant and unproductive phase. But that is actually the most valuable and indispensable period. We need to generate a reason to drive our subsequent actions. And such inner soul-searchin as they call it should not be rushed. First let your soul be free of worries. Tell yourself that nothing in life should ever worry you so much, because life itself is abundant, and you are larger than any phase, situation, obstacle, predicament or relation in life. Should any part of it collapses, life, just like time, passes, and would not empathise with you. Learn to think about life as a whole, not just being so concerned about ourselves NOW. (Warning: This is obviously easier to write in words than to put in action). But do try :)
The above is just my humble opinion, or rather some insights which spawned over these few days. I hope the above does provide some form of enlightenment. If you do have disputes about my perceptions, feel free to bring it out. As i said, its just my opinion. To those who genuinely seek help, i tried my best.
Some things are just borne to be beyond our control. But some things are. Well, when one's health is not optimum, one realises how important it is. Humans are said to be the smart, but yet they need the alarm bell to resonate through their ears to send a message across. This shows how immature we are emotionally, though intellectually we might be far superior than any other species. Aren't human relations the same? They are complex, untouchables, and of course unfathomable.
You can't impose something on someone, cannot coerce them to feel happy, and most of all you cannot dictate their emotions. Us, being the external environment to an individual, might at best provide a stimulus, upon which it is incumbent on the individual's receptors to discern and interpret beneficial messages sent across, and of course act on it hopefully. Sometimes u might feel that ur receptors are just one of a kind, or maybe they are like antibiotic resistant bacteria which have developed immunity in our body. They are wilful and impervious to a particular kind of stimulus. That is why the onset of nagging having little or no effect on people, recalcitrants unable to cast off their delinquency, or even simple humans like us unable to get on with our lives in the desirable way we want.
This phenomenon is the underlying cause of procrastination. It is the sole detriment of insufficient motivation, or for people who find it always difficult to stick to a preplanned schedule. They often give excuses to cover up their incompetencies and inept. Well, our body always have a kind of feedback mechanism which is self-defensive. When u are slightly out of equilibrium, for example, u are slightly late, behind schedule, or score lesser marks then expected in an exam, the conscious mind would seek to provide mitigating reasons to legitimise our errors, recomposing ourselves. This is of course if the deviation is found to be within our threshold of acceptance. But beyond this threshold, most of us would plunge into emotional roller coasters, experiencing depression, grief, and despondency. In the long term, it might be mood swings, irritability and prolonged mental illnesses.
We have to rein in the situation. We have to get in control of ourselves. I guess in some of my ancient posts i have touched on concepts like getting out of your own mind frame, isolating our emotions, and also on a change in stimulus. But with my personal experience, these are all not so easily achieved. Why? These changes are lacking in a rudimental purpose. The dearth of a substantial philosophy for the change. Yes, if u get it now, the question to ask is: Why change? Can't i allow myself to live around like this? If u feel intuitively that things should not carry on like this but yet u feel unable to initiate this change, seek help from those around you. Look at some of the people who are living the lifestyle that u desire to change for. Mix around with them more often, and ask if they could help you with adapting their kind of lifestyle.
Many people claim words are like arrows, they pierce through emotions. But yet words fail terribly when it comes to inspiring a person feeling helpless, unmotivated, and disenchanted. Action speak louder than words. Lead the way. Provide help by getting the person involve in his or her change. Let the person feel the love and purpose of the journey of what he seeks to achieve.
Just like a gun without bullets or a chef without his ingredients, an action without purpose seems at best half hearted and inefficient. At worse, it looks just like a balloon released freely allowing air inside to escape. It looks silly, and unleashes an avalanche of consequences which are mostly emotional, psychological and spiritual. This continues to torment our soul, grinds our determination, and debilitates our resolve towards the problem. A vicious cycle could be set up if subsequent attempts to solve the problem does not identify with a rooted purpose.
So tackle the problem at its roots. This is usually the hardest part and what people preconceive as the dormant and unproductive phase. But that is actually the most valuable and indispensable period. We need to generate a reason to drive our subsequent actions. And such inner soul-searchin as they call it should not be rushed. First let your soul be free of worries. Tell yourself that nothing in life should ever worry you so much, because life itself is abundant, and you are larger than any phase, situation, obstacle, predicament or relation in life. Should any part of it collapses, life, just like time, passes, and would not empathise with you. Learn to think about life as a whole, not just being so concerned about ourselves NOW. (Warning: This is obviously easier to write in words than to put in action). But do try :)
The above is just my humble opinion, or rather some insights which spawned over these few days. I hope the above does provide some form of enlightenment. If you do have disputes about my perceptions, feel free to bring it out. As i said, its just my opinion. To those who genuinely seek help, i tried my best.
November 02, 2007
Double Kill
With double basher you definitely go on for a sweet double kill. Well, first things first. If anyone couldn't figure out what was the second basher, i shall reveal it now. Its just the process of altering the first digit of someone's age from 1 to 2. It is characterised by a painful self-realisation of growing mould, as certainly many would claim that they dont seem to look their age, or that their experience gathered through these 2 decades of existence do not commensurate their current societal recognition. Yes 20. Whether you like it or not, time has never stopped for a second. 6.3072x10^8 seconds has passed. And finally when u sink into reality, u felt as though life has suddenly given you your report card, allowing yourself to register some rude shocks and unanticipated disappointments. I remembered very vividly my last bday as if it were moments ago. Yet the same excitement always permeates our soul for that same day of the year. What is actually the meaning of one's bday? A symbol of growth? An affirmation of our maturity? Or a mere passing of time? Would a day marked out on calendar matter if we did not attach significant meaning to it?
Of course the answer to my last qn is an obvious no, as many would irrefutably claim. So what makes ur bday so special since that day u probably feel happier, eat more, and complain lesser? So what if that day serves as a grim reminder of ur age, and in some instances drives purpose into your life and allow to do some reflection? Don't we need to do constant reflections periodically in our life? Why celebrate? Why rejoice? To hype up our emotions so that we feel so special? And of course amid the greetings and wishes that pour in, u reciprocate by saying thanks. Or is it like a day where impt things happen, for instance anniversary or sth, where u feel so suddenly fairy-like when a friend whom u thought u long lost wished u so, or maybe out of the unexpected? Birthday seems so much like a great deal right?
Ok i'm sorry if the above paragraphs have driven u to a point of loathing my ramblings as well as tweaking ur thoughts on a happy occasion. Pardon me. like everyone else, just treat this as an emotional overdrive as i sorta reflected on the meaning of bdays. But do give it a thought. If everyday someone were to tell u hey today is special, would u cherish it similarly? If you yourself attach significance to the day, can u achieve the same effect?
Ok now. Next up lets talk about ORD. I think the glass at esplanade glass will shatter if existing NSFs were given a chance to scream their lungs out on their desire to ORD. So i gave it an interesting abbreviation: Oppressive Rare Disorder. There are symptoms to that as many can observe. Ranging from grumbling to chao kenging and to AWOLing, the creative juices of NSFs are never challenged. ORD to them is not just a frame of mind. Pink can suddenly be their favourite color, or they can exclaim that the air they breath in camp is fresher when they wield some kind of dusty card kept for 2 years at depot road. Well, so when i got my pink IC i was just like.. woah. Not bad. At least i didnt look that bad back then when i was 15. Any further exclamations i made? No. Just that boring comment. And sorry guys. This is just how boring i am.
So double kill has been sufficiently elaborated on. As many ORDed NSFs said, we have won the war, inspite of many failing battles. Days of living in a cage is gone. Days of living with stripes, bars, enduring seafood and galaxy gazing are fading from our memories. No more.
But something else is growing more prominent ahead. Something which is so uncertain, which doesnt gives u a time frame to an end in it. Something which thrust u to the core of its menacing claws. Welcome back to life. You are just born. A second life awaits. And u are totally clueless. U have to reorientate. If ur dominating streak in NS is to be upsetted by an incoming storm, let me tell you, you are not alone. The clumsy face has just settled in our life. A period where uncertainty becomes ur best companion, and experimenting accounts for majority of ur behaviour. Sounds scary isn't it?
For me, now the most impt thing has been to reorg my life, just like how the ppl in big organisations usually do. But time waits for no one. We have to embark on something tentative as we continue our planning, we must set sail and navigate along the way.
Ok, i really dunno what to write. Although i have lots of thoughts now. Maybe i shall just reiterate the quote to NSFs enduring the wait: "Gather what u can before the cross the river" Because, “过了这个村，就没这个店”
In short, do not disappoint the moment u are living now. Always outlive ur present value. Do not worry about the opportunity cost that comes along everytime u are told to do sth or if u are alr doing sth. As much as time is scarce and precious, not effectively maximising work done in any undertaking allocated during a period of time undermines the very existence of time, and by doing so, we are ruining our chances, our life deteriorates gradually. Respect that everything happens for a reason, and excel in circumstances that befall. To win is not to measure how much we have now, but our potential. For the strength in human nature is always our beliefs and our power of imagination.
Lastly i would like to say, thanks to those who have made my NS very memorable. If we just look at things we learn, it'll definitely be something that we would be able to take back. Treat those negative experiences as learning points. My injury might have been sustained in NS, but learning how to live with it is itself a profound wisdom. For one, life can never be perfect, but can be lived to its fullest. Everyone has his unique way of executing his triumph card.
But of course over and above the seemingly serious and solemn paragraphs, i still have to say that..
Pink is certainly a nice colour :P
OMG, ORD LOH!!
Lastly, some pictures i would like to share with u all:
Firstly, when javascript malfunctions, this is what happens :P
Secondly, even when the most popular social networking website tries to malfunction, it stills retain the truth on it.
Calvin, Cheers to u! For once, i say with my head high, ORD LOH. This is for real, and u will say it soon :)
Of course the answer to my last qn is an obvious no, as many would irrefutably claim. So what makes ur bday so special since that day u probably feel happier, eat more, and complain lesser? So what if that day serves as a grim reminder of ur age, and in some instances drives purpose into your life and allow to do some reflection? Don't we need to do constant reflections periodically in our life? Why celebrate? Why rejoice? To hype up our emotions so that we feel so special? And of course amid the greetings and wishes that pour in, u reciprocate by saying thanks. Or is it like a day where impt things happen, for instance anniversary or sth, where u feel so suddenly fairy-like when a friend whom u thought u long lost wished u so, or maybe out of the unexpected? Birthday seems so much like a great deal right?
Ok i'm sorry if the above paragraphs have driven u to a point of loathing my ramblings as well as tweaking ur thoughts on a happy occasion. Pardon me. like everyone else, just treat this as an emotional overdrive as i sorta reflected on the meaning of bdays. But do give it a thought. If everyday someone were to tell u hey today is special, would u cherish it similarly? If you yourself attach significance to the day, can u achieve the same effect?
Ok now. Next up lets talk about ORD. I think the glass at esplanade glass will shatter if existing NSFs were given a chance to scream their lungs out on their desire to ORD. So i gave it an interesting abbreviation: Oppressive Rare Disorder. There are symptoms to that as many can observe. Ranging from grumbling to chao kenging and to AWOLing, the creative juices of NSFs are never challenged. ORD to them is not just a frame of mind. Pink can suddenly be their favourite color, or they can exclaim that the air they breath in camp is fresher when they wield some kind of dusty card kept for 2 years at depot road. Well, so when i got my pink IC i was just like.. woah. Not bad. At least i didnt look that bad back then when i was 15. Any further exclamations i made? No. Just that boring comment. And sorry guys. This is just how boring i am.
So double kill has been sufficiently elaborated on. As many ORDed NSFs said, we have won the war, inspite of many failing battles. Days of living in a cage is gone. Days of living with stripes, bars, enduring seafood and galaxy gazing are fading from our memories. No more.
But something else is growing more prominent ahead. Something which is so uncertain, which doesnt gives u a time frame to an end in it. Something which thrust u to the core of its menacing claws. Welcome back to life. You are just born. A second life awaits. And u are totally clueless. U have to reorientate. If ur dominating streak in NS is to be upsetted by an incoming storm, let me tell you, you are not alone. The clumsy face has just settled in our life. A period where uncertainty becomes ur best companion, and experimenting accounts for majority of ur behaviour. Sounds scary isn't it?
For me, now the most impt thing has been to reorg my life, just like how the ppl in big organisations usually do. But time waits for no one. We have to embark on something tentative as we continue our planning, we must set sail and navigate along the way.
Ok, i really dunno what to write. Although i have lots of thoughts now. Maybe i shall just reiterate the quote to NSFs enduring the wait: "Gather what u can before the cross the river" Because, “过了这个村，就没这个店”
In short, do not disappoint the moment u are living now. Always outlive ur present value. Do not worry about the opportunity cost that comes along everytime u are told to do sth or if u are alr doing sth. As much as time is scarce and precious, not effectively maximising work done in any undertaking allocated during a period of time undermines the very existence of time, and by doing so, we are ruining our chances, our life deteriorates gradually. Respect that everything happens for a reason, and excel in circumstances that befall. To win is not to measure how much we have now, but our potential. For the strength in human nature is always our beliefs and our power of imagination.
Lastly i would like to say, thanks to those who have made my NS very memorable. If we just look at things we learn, it'll definitely be something that we would be able to take back. Treat those negative experiences as learning points. My injury might have been sustained in NS, but learning how to live with it is itself a profound wisdom. For one, life can never be perfect, but can be lived to its fullest. Everyone has his unique way of executing his triumph card.
But of course over and above the seemingly serious and solemn paragraphs, i still have to say that..
Pink is certainly a nice colour :P
OMG, ORD LOH!!
Lastly, some pictures i would like to share with u all:
Firstly, when javascript malfunctions, this is what happens :P
Secondly, even when the most popular social networking website tries to malfunction, it stills retain the truth on it.
Calvin, Cheers to u! For once, i say with my head high, ORD LOH. This is for real, and u will say it soon :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)