I've been pondering how some people are able to get along with each other just so well that they hang along with almost that same bunch of friends with undying fervour and countless outings. I've also contemplated about why some of us do not really a wide circle of friends... is it merely attributed to the lack of social skills? poor PR? There are people who really get frustrated by being so "friendless".. while some dont bother cos they are living in a world of their own. There was once i received a chinese sms. It was as follow:
朋友的价值观不是每天都要见面，而是大家在忙碌的生活里彼此还记得，也会抽空关心慰问及传送信息
Does this encapsulates the meaning of friendship? I didnt find it enlightening to my doubts. But what i thought could hold more sense is that a relationship, be it friendship, BGR, or even btw family members, conforms to an "induced fit" hypothesis which isnt alien to a biology student learning how enzymes work.
Just as scientists postulated that specificity of enzymes are not restricted to a lock and key hypothesis, i believe not all friends, kins, or even spouses are made for each other. As much as perfection is an illusion, to attain so called "best friends" or "buddy" isnt so unless we define it to be. Is a relation only good if both parties are able to fully empathise and care for each other? Or to put it in an unpalatable way, are friendships mere facades for mutual exploitation? Actually i am inclined to believe the latter. But the fact that we always exploit each other doesnt really cause the other party to hate us.. in fact it strengthens the relationship. isn't that the irony of it all?
We ask for help, and our so called best friend acquiesce. This small act doesnt connote with it the notion of exploitation because both parties do not view it as such. What i am driving at is that friendship is all about mutual perception. "induced fit". If you try to accommodate something, you most likely look at its plus points. You would try to dissolve the drawbacks, minimise the negative thoughts, and learn to look optimistic about it. Maybe one day we could try fitting on a shirt in the dressing room and tell ourself like hey, i'm so gonna shine in this attire. But you know our mind is playing a hell load of tricks on us? We feel what we feel because we feel that this should be what we feel.
Applying it to friendship, maybe that guy who just ignored you aint a poor friend, while the guy who whom you just went out with might not be an excellent one either. Maybe that is why human relations are complex and multi-faceted. So sometimes its good to sit back and reconsider our perspectives about people, though ur friends might not do likewise to you. But let them be. When we do that, we are giving ourselves more opportunities to interact with them, befriend and influence them. When our perspective is correct, our world is correct.
一个人的思想如果是正确的，他的世界就是正确的
And maybe thats how relationships work.
5 comments:
angele here. lazy to sign into google/blogger to leave a comment. hahah
personally i don't think having a wide circle of friends means that you have a good PR. seriously, let me say that i DO NOT have a wide circle of friends either. acquaintances, yes. but not that i would consider everyone as friends. true friends, that is.
i don't think friends are for mutual exploitation though. cos i don't do that. i think if you look at it from another angle, it's more like we're helping each other willingly, because we value each other?
but i kind of agree about the point about induced fit, that we would somehow just look at the plus points of your friends, and forgive them for their little flaws. i guess that's because no one is perfect. everyone is bound to have flaws..so if your friend can accept yours..then you should be able to accept his/hers too.
what really is a friend to you? to me, i think it's someone who can share ups and downs with me, whom i can chat the whole day to.. but i can also say nothing to this person and yet he/she can understand what is in my mind. i know i seem like an open book in my blog, but how many people can truly understand me? i would say.. not many. but when you have found such friends.. be sure to treasure them!
i don't know if what i said makes sense. i'm just taking a 5minute break from my lecture.. so it might just be a whole load of gibberish. hahaha
anyway, thanks for organising my birthday celebration for me!
hey, thanks for your comments. haha.. "mutual exploitation" is in the eye of the beholder. I'm just looking it from a slightly unpalatable way yea.. but well, most of us don't, me inclusive. You got my point, since u spelt out the word "value".
i think ur definition of friendship is brilliant. actually u are right, if all friends have to go through such stringent classification, we wouldnt have more than a few correctly defined "friends". How sure are we that the other party understands ourselves? Its a rather ambiguous and grey area. Must some sort of expression be shown to affirm this? But by making a move, isnt that contradicting to the former postulate that "i can say nothing to him and yet he understands what i think"?
Hmm. so it leaves us a fundamental paradox. Should we remain active or passive? Expressive or Conservative?
haha, yeah. seems like not many people leave comments on your blog cos it's too philosophical.. haha.
anyway, it's great seeing you today at the class outing! (even though hl and i left earlier..haha)
well.. sometimes when hl and i or chingjoo and i, or ningxi and i go out.. then when we see something.. either i would like stare for a whlle and they will somehow be able to say what i'm thinking.. or we would even coincidentally shout out the same thing at the same time!
i guess.. you need to be active and expressive from time to time. but then again.. if not, the other person may not know that both of you are thinking along the same lines..
but then again, some true friends are really so close.. they can even sense what each other are thinking even without really spelling it out, i guess.
my opinion is to be more expressive. but of course, if your friend is really upset and crying over relationship or family problems or something.. it might be good to be passive first, and then only talk when he/she feels comfortable to talk with you..
now who says i can't finish typing this in 5 mins? i can do it in less than that time! hahah
-angele-
haha sure..5 mins is possible now i believe! =)
Actually having seen what u commented i feel that maybe its just fate that decides about whether we befriend people whom are close to us. There is something special and shared among true friends which is indescribable and natural. Maybe being active or passive is just part of our desire to express our affection and solitude. And it takes both hands clap.
Thanks for your loyalty in posting comments, lol. I know its a bit philosophical, but i 've been wanting to blog about my life, just that when i really stare in front of the screen thinking of what to write, all these thoughts trickled down my mind. I guess i shouldnt suppress them and stick to the convention blogging style.
Do come often and leave your comments on these complex philosophical issues yar? haha provided u got the time again to crash a 5 min reply! lol.
Cheers!
yes, 5 minustes is very possible considering the fact that i just blabber and shoot off like a machine gun.. well, since i can do that with my talking yesterday.. i can certainly do that with my writing! so what did you guys do in the end? sorry hl and i left earlier.. cos we were both pretty tired already.. hahah
yes indeed. maybe it's all planned for us that in our lives.. we somehow meet these special friends of ours.. that somehow we are just able to click at the very first sight, and then develop a tight bond thereafter :)
it's alright about being philosophical.. don't bother changing the posts that you write about just because of others.. a blog is just meant to be an outlet of your own feelings. if you write what other people want to read.. then that would seem pretty "masked" already! eh, get what i mean?
i'm sure i have time for 5 min replies! alright, time for genetics! :(
-angele-
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