May 17, 2010
May 09, 2010
The FinePrints of Love
Love, something so multifaceted, so intangible, so obscure in its own meaning. It uncovers the entire spectrum of human emotions, revealing human nature in all its true colours. It is like the sun, the main source of energy empowering existence of all lifeforms. Yet Love cannot be measured in Intensity, Power, and other physical quantities. It can only appear so transient at times. You may acknowledge that it does not obey any conservation laws. Indeed, it is not scientific.
And yet this seemingly elusive matter has the potential to wreck havoc in our life. It can take control over each and everyone of us. It can direct our actions and behaviour. It can cause us to experience the roller coasters of our inner environment. Notwithstanding, there are many forms of love. Friendship, Relationship, Kinship, Brotherhood.. etc. All forms whose boundaries and meaning are purely unique to the people involved. I do not have the capacity and wisdom to put across what is suitable as the meaning of love, but as a participant of life, i have the right to express freely my opinion on love, at least within the realm of my experience.
Love is selfish. When there is love, there is expectation. thats the fundamental underpinning love, in my humble opinion. when you give, you don't always expect to get back anything, that is the ideal case. as we are living in the practical world, there is one assumption we must hold that makes the situation ideal - a reason/cause. Motherly love, religious love etc.. those kinds of love we deem as unselfish, unadulterated, are those that have a reason behind. for such ideal cases, there is almost nothing to discuss about, since if love is so pure, then mankind would not be who they are today. Unconditional love is something we aspire to, but it is not as practical. Imagine the entire world only bearing unconditional love. Everyone being altruistic. We are not going to move towards that because its not possible. Some one got to get rewarded more than the others. someone got to be the bad guy. thats just an incontrovertible fact of life.
And so when we shift away from unconditional love, what binds us most of the time is conditional love. Love that has a price to pay. Love that encompasses human desires, whims and fancies. Complicated love triangles.. entanglements, doing charity out of guilt conscience, but not love, etc.. many situations we can think of are just "facades" of love. the hidden agenda, be it mild or otherwise, takes over the human mind. Love, have you encountered its fineprints?
People who can utter love, but yet forget to state their fineprints - they do not know what they are truly speaking. But yet how many can be open to the truth of love, that ultimately hurts without any need for qualification? I love you, provided that XXXXXXX.. ouch. 30 years of marriage breaking down is love getting its revenge, the dwarfs quashing the giants. And it is truly painful. but how do you avoid such situations of love getting back to you? In a book called Radical honesty, the author advocates telling nothing but the truth to the person. Telling the truth that hurts bravely prevents the problem from further ballooning and obliterates the need to bury the problem.
But what is the truth? When people are in romance, when people truly are loving others (be it a relationship, kinship etc), how many of us can truly spot the ugly, selfish sides of ourselves? Being surrounded by the cloud of bliss, how many can sense the impending thunderstorm brewing? How do we ensure that we humans love truly for as little condition as possible?
What i feel is that we have to know how to say sorry. We have to learn how to admit our mistake, and be true to ourselves. we have to start appreciate the merits of others, the positives in a unpalatable situation. Recognising the positives does not mean ignoring the negatives, but also mean we have to confront the negatives in an objectively, controlled and rational way.
Being able to take a step back and stay rationale is inherently beneficial in love for the more important reason that one has the heart to make amends and strive for the better outcome. The heart and will to sustain the love is more important than what you do for this loving relationship. It is not uncommon to see people who violate this aspect by offering incessant apologies and yet remain recalcitrant or adamant to change their ways.
Love take both hands to clap. It is such a sacred relationship that the balance will easily tilt if any party reduces their commitment or devotion to the love. It is very delicate and highly sensitive. And henceforth, every aspect of one's life in a relationship can easily affect the love in between. Love, being built on common and mutual understanding, can be easily shaken by the most insignificant of things. It is therefore imperative to keep an open channel of communication or i would like to term a "helpline" in case it is slightly shaking. Quell the smallest of fires, and you will never encounter a forest fire.
Now it sounds very tedious isn't it? Then it makes you think if love is indeed so daunting and so difficult to sustain. As much as we really hope for a magical formula or an ingenius algorithm to solve problems, there will never be a mechanical way out of it.
Everyone of us will deal with it our own way. There is no right way, because everyone's form of love are defined differently. The only advice that is dispensable is: Love, with your heart.
And yet this seemingly elusive matter has the potential to wreck havoc in our life. It can take control over each and everyone of us. It can direct our actions and behaviour. It can cause us to experience the roller coasters of our inner environment. Notwithstanding, there are many forms of love. Friendship, Relationship, Kinship, Brotherhood.. etc. All forms whose boundaries and meaning are purely unique to the people involved. I do not have the capacity and wisdom to put across what is suitable as the meaning of love, but as a participant of life, i have the right to express freely my opinion on love, at least within the realm of my experience.
Love is selfish. When there is love, there is expectation. thats the fundamental underpinning love, in my humble opinion. when you give, you don't always expect to get back anything, that is the ideal case. as we are living in the practical world, there is one assumption we must hold that makes the situation ideal - a reason/cause. Motherly love, religious love etc.. those kinds of love we deem as unselfish, unadulterated, are those that have a reason behind. for such ideal cases, there is almost nothing to discuss about, since if love is so pure, then mankind would not be who they are today. Unconditional love is something we aspire to, but it is not as practical. Imagine the entire world only bearing unconditional love. Everyone being altruistic. We are not going to move towards that because its not possible. Some one got to get rewarded more than the others. someone got to be the bad guy. thats just an incontrovertible fact of life.
And so when we shift away from unconditional love, what binds us most of the time is conditional love. Love that has a price to pay. Love that encompasses human desires, whims and fancies. Complicated love triangles.. entanglements, doing charity out of guilt conscience, but not love, etc.. many situations we can think of are just "facades" of love. the hidden agenda, be it mild or otherwise, takes over the human mind. Love, have you encountered its fineprints?
People who can utter love, but yet forget to state their fineprints - they do not know what they are truly speaking. But yet how many can be open to the truth of love, that ultimately hurts without any need for qualification? I love you, provided that XXXXXXX.. ouch. 30 years of marriage breaking down is love getting its revenge, the dwarfs quashing the giants. And it is truly painful. but how do you avoid such situations of love getting back to you? In a book called Radical honesty, the author advocates telling nothing but the truth to the person. Telling the truth that hurts bravely prevents the problem from further ballooning and obliterates the need to bury the problem.
But what is the truth? When people are in romance, when people truly are loving others (be it a relationship, kinship etc), how many of us can truly spot the ugly, selfish sides of ourselves? Being surrounded by the cloud of bliss, how many can sense the impending thunderstorm brewing? How do we ensure that we humans love truly for as little condition as possible?
What i feel is that we have to know how to say sorry. We have to learn how to admit our mistake, and be true to ourselves. we have to start appreciate the merits of others, the positives in a unpalatable situation. Recognising the positives does not mean ignoring the negatives, but also mean we have to confront the negatives in an objectively, controlled and rational way.
Being able to take a step back and stay rationale is inherently beneficial in love for the more important reason that one has the heart to make amends and strive for the better outcome. The heart and will to sustain the love is more important than what you do for this loving relationship. It is not uncommon to see people who violate this aspect by offering incessant apologies and yet remain recalcitrant or adamant to change their ways.
Love take both hands to clap. It is such a sacred relationship that the balance will easily tilt if any party reduces their commitment or devotion to the love. It is very delicate and highly sensitive. And henceforth, every aspect of one's life in a relationship can easily affect the love in between. Love, being built on common and mutual understanding, can be easily shaken by the most insignificant of things. It is therefore imperative to keep an open channel of communication or i would like to term a "helpline" in case it is slightly shaking. Quell the smallest of fires, and you will never encounter a forest fire.
Now it sounds very tedious isn't it? Then it makes you think if love is indeed so daunting and so difficult to sustain. As much as we really hope for a magical formula or an ingenius algorithm to solve problems, there will never be a mechanical way out of it.
Everyone of us will deal with it our own way. There is no right way, because everyone's form of love are defined differently. The only advice that is dispensable is: Love, with your heart.
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