No one can ever be happy all the time. The mood of mine has been plunging into a rollercoaster ride. More often, it has been that of melancholic, depressing, and for a few rare instances, gratification and contentment. There are some problems in me that havent been resolved. It bogs up and down everytime, thankfully it isnt like simple harmonic motion with a constant periodicity. It is not that i have not tried to rein in the situation and seek a solution. The fact that the resolution is always tested against the menacing claws of time quenches my willpower and dampens whatever rationality there is in me that upheld the resolution in the first place. I feel so powerless. Yet in certain instances, or rather occasional ones, i manage to put up a fierce battle against the irrationality and triumph in sheer self-effacement. Well, not to discredit it, but the turmoil soon comes back. The vicious cycle emerges from its only dormant active state. And here i go again... transience.. what a word.. so succinct in its epitomisation of my plight..
Maybe the problem lies in the resolution.. probably its a lousy resolution..but any o how, it was already made to the best of my ability at that point in time. I probably need to refine it. Afterall, life is about progress, not perfection.. as i always put it across to myself. A barber cant cut his own hair, but at least he tries to. Until my next entry, i shall update you with this ferocious battle i face every day, every moment. It is okay if you do not understand what i say, because it is meant to be personal.
Just to draw a parallel to Hsienberg Uncertainty Principle, you cannot simultaneously locate the problem and the magnitude of the problem at the same time. Well the above is just to amaze myself and adopt a lighter outlook of the problem.
Meanwhile, with the exams roaring ahead.. it is almost inevitable that the countdown begins.. And the mugging instincts unleashed.
Till my next post, permanence shall be striked out of my vocab.
